I stepped into my daughter’s room yesterday, realizing we had run out of bowls and cups. As expected, they were piled high in there, covered in remnants of snacks and drinks. The curtains were disheveled, the bed was bare of sheets, and the floor was a chaotic mix of clothes and items that could easily pass for trash—only to be mistaken treasure later on.
As the parent of three teenagers, I’m not exaggerating when I say they can be quite messy. Their rooms resemble disaster zones, and I’ve found myself in tears over the clutter. In stark contrast, I have a compulsive cleaning habit, making it incredibly difficult to deal with their messiness.
I’m not here to offer advice on how to make your messy kids tidy up—believe me, I’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing has worked. Instead, I want to share how I’ve adjusted my perspective to cope. After years of trying to change them (which was a complete failure), I’ve learned to manage my own reactions to their perpetual messiness.
One of the simplest changes I made was to close their doors. Sure, their rooms may be chaos, but I don’t have to see it. I used to feel nauseous or furious whenever I stepped inside, overwhelmed by the sight of makeup scattered and clothes strewn about. This only led to more arguments, with my kids insisting I was too obsessed with perfection. Cleaning their rooms myself felt futile, as they would just return to their messy ways within minutes.
Now, I keep their doors shut. Out of sight, out of mind. They understand that while their rooms can be their personal domain, the common areas of the house must remain tidy. If they want to keep their phones, they need to clean up after themselves, ensuring they put dishes away, discard trash, and return items to their rightful places. This arrangement has worked wonders, as my kids no longer feel pressured to maintain a perfect environment.
I’ve also found that taking deep breaths helps tremendously. It sounds simple, but remembering to breathe gives me the strength to step away from the mess and focus on more important things. I recognize that my kids won’t be around forever, and one day I’ll miss them and the chaos they brought into my life. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll miss tripping over their giant shoes or picking up random utensils from the floor.
When they eventually move out, my home will be clean, but it will also be devoid of the laughter and love that filled it. I want to cherish this time with them instead of getting bogged down by arguments over cleanliness.
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In summary, living with messy teenagers can be challenging for a compulsive cleaner. By managing my expectations, closing their doors, and focusing on shared spaces, I’ve found a way to coexist peacefully. I’ve learned to take deep breaths and appreciate the moments I have with my children, chaos and all.