Much has been said in parenting circles about the downsides of “tattling.” Teaching our children the vital distinction between “tattling” and “reporting” can empower them to communicate their needs more effectively. It also enables us, as parents, to provide the appropriate support based on the situation. When children report on one another, it opens a door for discussing the importance of sharing and being heard.
In our household, for example, we have a set TV schedule: one child selects a show on one day, and the other gets a turn the next. At least once a week, they engage in a battle of accusations, which only adds to my stress. There’s a delicate line between reporting and tattling.
An insightful article offers practical advice on how to shift the focus from tattling to reporting. When your child mentions, “A classmate took my snack,” encourage them to elaborate on the situation. Ask questions to foster conversation: How did they feel about what happened? What actions did they take afterward? Who did they inform, and what was that person’s reaction?
Next, take a few steps. First, acknowledge their feelings by validating their experience. Then, provide them with the appropriate language (in other words, reframe the situation). Finally, remind them that while it’s crucial to inform an adult about serious matters, tattling often complicates things rather than resolves them.
According to Dr. Jamie Howard from the Child Mind Institute, establishing rules is essential in helping kids differentiate between tattling and reporting. “Until children develop empathy, clear guidance and structure are the most effective means to maintain order. Tattling can be framed as one of those rules, even if it’s a challenging concept to master,” she explains. “Rules resonate well with younger kids, as their cognitive and moral development allows them to grasp simple instructions, and they seek praise from adults for adhering to them.”
We are our children’s most significant educators. A parent I spoke with, Lisa, emphasized the importance of understanding intentions behind the act. “I ask them what their goal is. Even little ones can start to explore this with support. If their aim is to ensure safety, then reporting is essential. However, if it revolves around feelings of unfairness, it becomes more about them than the other child.” This developmental stage often leads children to feel a heightened sense of injustice.
Safety, fairness, and empathy should be focal points as we guide our children from tattling to understanding the importance of reporting. Ultimately, our goal is to nurture kids who will contribute positively to society. We need to teach them about safety, empathy, sharing — and just like with potty training, you’ll recognize when they’re ready to transition from tattler to storyteller.
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Summary:
Teaching children the difference between tattling and reporting is crucial for their emotional development and communication skills. By fostering open dialogue and understanding their motivations, parents can guide their children to express their concerns effectively while ensuring safety and empathy are prioritized.