Ah, the memories of third grade music class. For what felt like an eternity, we had been anticipating this day. Our teacher’s sigh echoed in the room as he announced, “Today, we’ll begin our journey with the recorder.” A wave of excitement swept through us as he handed out the pale-colored instruments. The moment those recorders hit our lips, the classroom erupted into a discordant symphony of high-pitched howls and wheezes.
It’s been countless years since then, yet I can still manage to play “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” I can rattle off the notes (BABA BBB…) but couldn’t locate them on a G-clef if my life depended on it. We never learned that part. Instead, we only memorized note names and, judging by the escalating chaos, it’s no wonder Mr. Thompson was likely driven to distraction. I can only imagine him contemplating a stiff drink to endure our incessant renditions of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” I wouldn’t even need to hide it; the principal would totally understand.
Why Are Kids Learning the Recorder?
My mother despised it. “Practice in your bedroom!” she would insist whenever I attempted to entertain in the living room. “Oh, you sound fantastic,” everyone would say, but they were clearly lying. No one sounds good on a recorder. It’s wheezy, screechy, and just plain annoying. Were they hoping to prepare us for high school clarinet, oboes, or even bagpipes?
Apparently, there’s a widely accepted teaching method that encourages participatory music, which is why kids are handed these cheap, plastic recorders. In Canada, they opt for the ukulele, which is far more pleasant. But it involves more complex fingering and chords, perhaps deemed too challenging for American students. Thus, we receive the musical equivalent of a distress whistle.
Take heart, though! The recorder was once a celebrated instrument during the Renaissance and Baroque periods. Some people, presumably with too much spare time, even compose jazz for recorders. These individuals should face severe consequences for such audacity. However, Paul McCartney did use it in “Fool on the Hill,” but we can collectively agree that it was one of their lesser tunes.
Musicians Are Not Fans of This Approach
Nicholas Lander, owner of the Recorder Homepage, stated, “The recorder is not suitable for children in their formative years. Its use in schools has rendered it more an instrument of torment than of music, likely turning generations away from making music for life.” He’s right; it certainly deterred me from woodwinds.
Technically a type of flute—a really terrible one at that—the recorder doesn’t get a pass just because of its age or popularity. Susan White, the director of the Recorder Society of America, claims it’s a professional instrument deserving respect. “Everyone says it’s easy to play, but mastering it takes a lifetime.” Here’s a reality check, Susan: My third-grade class couldn’t even produce a coherent “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” let alone any advanced compositions.
In Conclusion, What Did We Really Gain?
Can any adult in America actually play the recorder well? Has anyone even touched one in the last 20 years? Paul McCartney doesn’t count, and neither do those artistic souls who should probably switch to glockenspiels or something less grating.
What did we learn? We mastered the art of screeching in unison, annoying our bus drivers, and discovering that recorders can be heard from a shocking distance. But did we truly learn to play? So what’s the point? Just handing a child an instrument doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Sure, a few kids might find hidden talent, but is it worth the collective agony of everyone else?
It’s high time to retire the recorder and perhaps just delve into music theory. At least that way, they might actually learn something.
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