In a typical year, my in-laws host an enormous Thanksgiving gathering, often with over 25 guests. My partner looks forward to these celebrations, relishing the delicious food, reconnecting with family members he hasn’t seen in ages, and enjoying a night filled with games, singing, and laughter.
I appreciate those aspects, too, in theory. However, every time I attend, I find myself needing to recharge for days afterward. The sensory overload in such large gatherings can be overwhelming. While most attendees are well-meaning, there’s usually someone who makes an offhand remark that irritates me—whether it’s about my parenting, my appearance, my career, or current events. This leaves me feeling frustrated and upset for days.
On top of that, bringing kids along—especially picky eaters who can get cranky and bored—turns the experience into a challenge rather than a joy. I’ll admit it: one unexpected benefit of the pandemic was having a legitimate excuse to skip Thanksgiving in 2020. I also found that I enjoyed skipping many family holiday events that year. Call me a grinch or a stick in the mud, but I simply don’t see the appeal of these large holiday gatherings.
I would much prefer a cozy celebration with just my immediate family or perhaps a few select relatives. To me, small family gatherings possess a unique charm and intimacy. They allow for genuine connections without the stress of catering to a multitude of preferences or enduring hours of cooking and preparation.
As someone who works full-time, I want to spend my time off engaged in activities that rejuvenate me. Isn’t that the essence of a break? Large holiday events can feel draining, almost like they sap my energy.
My partner and I don’t always share the same perspective on this. He misses the bustling holiday spirit of the past and looks forward to celebrating with his extended family and their friends. He thrives in large groups and finds inspiration in such gatherings.
Yet, if you resonate with my experience, know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or even disheartened by these holiday events. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way. For years, I thought there must be something wrong with me for avoiding these gatherings. But as I approached my 40s, I realized this is simply part of who I am.
Even before the pandemic, we had come to an understanding to balance our holiday plans. I didn’t think it fair to cut out all family gatherings, but I needed to skip some to maintain my well-being. Compromise is essential when partners have differing views on holiday celebrations. No one should feel obligated to endure events they dislike year after year.
Moreover, if you’re facing toxic or abusive individuals at these gatherings, you are under no obligation to attend. This includes anyone who disrespects your identity, parenting choices, or lifestyle.
It’s crucial to recognize that while celebrating with others can be meaningful, the traditional way many of us have approached these gatherings may not be serving us well. Acknowledging this is the first step toward redefining how we celebrate. It’s disheartening when something meant to be joyous becomes a source of fatigue and turmoil. Life is too brief to engage in activities that leave you feeling drained.
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In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable to skip holiday gatherings that drain your energy. Prioritize your well-being and seek out celebrations that resonate with you and your immediate family. Compromise with your partner, and remember, you are not alone in feeling this way.