Navigating the journey of childbirth can be a rollercoaster of emotions, especially when things don’t unfold as envisioned. It’s perfectly normal to feel disappointment when your delivery diverges from your expectations. Even if those feelings linger, there are effective ways to process them and move toward healing.
I didn’t enter pregnancy with a rigid vision of my ideal delivery. My primary desire was simply to leave with a healthy baby and to ensure my own health was intact. Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, I anticipated a spontaneous labor, the comfort of an epidural, and a straightforward experience. However, during my third month of pregnancy, my doctor revealed a shocking twist: “You won’t be able to have an epidural,” she informed me. “We will need to induce you for safety reasons.” This revelation stemmed from a rare bleeding disorder I had unknowingly lived with for nearly 30 years.
As I approached my due date, the planned induction commenced, yet after 40 hours of labor without any dilation, the on-call doctor deemed a C-section the safest course of action. Unfortunately, due to my bleeding disorder, I couldn’t receive an epidural, which meant I would also not be awake during the surgery. The anesthesia team opted against spinal anesthesia, prioritizing my safety over a typical experience.
This unexpected turn of events can be difficult to process, but it’s essential to allow yourself the space to grieve your ideal birth experience. Finding peace with your birth story, despite its deviations, is possible.
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In summary, it’s okay to grieve when your birth doesn’t go as planned; allow yourself to feel those emotions and seek out support to heal.