When I returned to the dating scene after losing my spouse and prior to the pandemic, one of my initial dates cautioned me that dating in the app era involved witnessing your date swiping for new matches while you were away in the restroom. He highlighted that it was a culture driven by instant gratification, prioritizing quantity over quality. (Yes, I panicked, and no, I didn’t go out with him again for various reasons.) Whatever dating looked like then, it was certainly not about being intentional.
Then came March 2020. COVID-19 abruptly halted life as we knew it. Amid the fear and uncertainty, everything ground to a halt—schools, businesses, and social interactions. Over the subsequent eighteen months, life has gradually resumed (though in some cases, it has returned with a whimper, but that’s a different conversation). Almost everything that has come back from the initial shutdown seems different. The pandemic altered everything—from our work routines to how we travel, and surprisingly, even how we date. More individuals are now turning to intentional dating.
A 2021 study by Match, which surveyed 5,000 singles, revealed that 58 percent of app users have shifted towards “intentional dating.” The findings indicated that 53 percent of these individuals are now more focused on finding a relationship than before the pandemic, 53 percent are reconsidering the traits they seek in a partner, nearly 70 percent are being more honest with potential matches, and 44 percent are engaging in more substantial conversations with their dates.
Research from Hinge Labs corroborated these findings. Hinge researchers discovered that “singles took the time during the pandemic to reflect on their dating lives, leading them to slow down, carefully consider what they are looking for, abandon unhealthy dating habits, and become more intentional in their dating approach.”
What Is Intentional Dating?
The term “intentional dating” sounds appealing. I fully support being (or striving to be) intentional in all aspects of our lives. But what does it really entail in today’s dating landscape, where a plethora of potential matches is just a swipe away?
Intentional dating simply means slowing down. It involves stepping away from the casual swipe-right-or-left mentality and being more mindful about the dating process. It’s about contemplating what you genuinely want in a partner and examining the patterns and behaviors that may hinder your search.
In practice, this may entail moving away from matching with numerous individuals and scheduling several dates weekly, opting instead to build a connection with a potential partner before meeting in person. It’s a shift towards valuing quality over quantity.
Why the Shift to Intentional Dating?
The transition to intentional dating makes sense considering how the pandemic has transformed our lives. During the early months, anyone outside our pandemic bubble was approached with caution. Loneliness surged, prompting everyone to reevaluate what they desired from their lives and the people they allowed into them.
Dr. Sarah James, a sociology professor at Riverbend University and author of the book The Connection Quest: Navigating Modern Relationships, echoed this sentiment in an interview. She stated, “People experienced loneliness and took time to reassess their priorities and what they truly seek from relationships.”
Dr. Peter Collins, a sociology expert at Green Valley University, mentioned that while it’s true that “pandemics tend to diminish the excitement of ‘playing the field,’ the shift towards intentional dating in a post-lockdown world is part of a broader trend that has been evolving.” His research indicates that over the past decade, more individuals have been using dating apps to seek committed relationships rather than casual encounters.
The Benefits of Dating Intentionally
Intentional dating may or may not suit everyone; it’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all approach to dating—and that’s perfectly fine! However, some experts view the move towards intentional dating as a positive trend. Emma Carter, a matchmaker and founder of Premier Connections, believes that taking the time to slow down can open up more opportunities for those looking to connect.
“People often swiped excessively on dating apps, trying to find their ‘ideal match,’ which doesn’t exist,” she said. With this newfound focus on intentionality, it becomes clearer that “ideal” means something different for everyone.
Intentional dating doesn’t necessarily imply that one is only seeking long-term relationships. Some individuals are simply being more thoughtful about how, when, and why they swipe. This might mean not, for example, swiping while their date is in the restroom. Or it could signify letting go of overthinking and allowing oneself to be present in the moment. Others, like myself, prioritize being deliberate while dating—this means avoiding reaching milestones merely because time has elapsed or rushing into situations due to societal expectations.
Whether you’re single or not, interested in dating or not, the past year and a half has compelled all of us to reevaluate our values. We’ve reflected on who is most important to us and why, and we’ve considered the kind of life we want to create for ourselves. Overall, it’s a trend that resonates with many of us.
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Summary
The pandemic has led many individuals to embrace ‘intentional dating,’ a mindful approach that prioritizes quality connections over casual encounters. This shift is reflected in recent studies indicating that singles are reassessing their dating priorities and focusing on meaningful relationships. Experts suggest that slowing down can open up new opportunities for genuine connections, making intentional dating a trend that resonates with many.