As children, it felt like time crawled by—an entire day in school or even a short nap could stretch on indefinitely, while summers seemed to last forever. Fast forward to adulthood, and many of us struggle to keep track of what day it is, let alone grasp the flow of time. While we may be the ones guiding our kids in learning how to tell time, it can feel like the clocks at home are all malfunctioning, losing minutes and hours. We could spend ages cracking jokes about time, poking fun at our own aging and how one night we drifted off as teenagers only to wake up in a middle-aged body.
Instead, why not take a moment to enjoy these time-related jokes and puns? They’re sure to tickle your funny bone!
Time Jokes and Puns
- What happens if you annoy a clock? You might just tick it off!
- What do wall clocks do after they stop ticking? They probably just hang around.
- I bought a 24-hour clock yesterday, but it stopped working already. It only lasted a day!
- What do you call a clever clock? Clockwise.
- “At the third stroke, it will be 5 o’clock, my precious,” said my brand new Tolkien clock.
- There’s a contest to find the country’s best chronometer. So, I have put my clock forward.
- My husband wasn’t thrilled about the castle-shaped clock I got him for his birthday. But it’s the fort that counts!
- I don’t want to see that clock on its phone anymore. The TikToks are so annoying!
- What do you call a clock on the moon? A lunartick.
- What do you call candy that never arrives on time? Choco-late.
- I wonder why the historian measured a clock. Maybe he wanted to know the beginning and the end of time.
- 6:30 is the best time on the clock… Hands down.
- Eating a clock is really time-consuming if you go for seconds.
- They are finally making a movie about clocks. It’s about time!
- What do you call a belt made out of clocks? A waist of time!
- Why did the person hold their wall clock up to the mirror? It was time for reflection.
- If the Leaning Tower of Pisa gets a clock face, it will have time and inclination.
- What does it mean if you see a billboard with a picture of a wall clock on it? It’s a sign of the times.
- It’s only a matter of time before clocks take over the world.
- Why did the girl put an alarm clock in her shoe? She didn’t want her feet to fall asleep.
- I wonder why my alarm watch doesn’t work. Perhaps it needs a hand.
- I went to the Halloween party as an alarm timer. But it was really irritating when people started to wine me up!
- My husband got me a timer clock out of the blue. I was alarmed!
- What do you call a story that one watch tells to another? Second-hand information.
- Why did the man throw his watch out of the window? He wanted to see time fly.
- I got fired from the watchmaking factory even after all those extra hours I put in!
- A pocket watch is best for people who don’t like to have time on their hands.
- What is another name for a grandfather clock? An old timer!
- What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? “Look Grandpa, I have no hands!”
- What do you say when you find out that your grandfather clock is infested with bugs? “Time flies!”
- Why is it difficult to bring yourself to get rid of a grandfather clock? Because it’s a timeless piece.
- Why was the clock called to the principal’s office? It was tocking too much!
- Do you know when ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn!
- What do you get when you cross a chicken and a clock? A cluck.
- How do you know a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds!
- How do clocks greet each other? They say, “Hour you doing?”
- Do you know why pendulums stop moving? They lose their swing!
- What did the tick ask the clock? “Hey, what are you tocking about?”
- Why do some cuckoos not come out of their door? They probably have stage fright!
- What does the second hand say to the hour hand when they meet? “See you again in a minute buddy!”
- What do street clocks say to the tower clocks? “High there!”
- Where did the clock finish her race? Wherever she wound up.
- What do you call it when you put a clock under your desk? Working over time.
- What time is it when an elephant sits on a clock? Time to get a new clock.
- Why should you stop to purchase a clock when you’re running late? That way, you buy time!
- Why did the scientist put a wristwatch into the flask? He wanted a timely solution to his research problem.
- What do you call it when a shop gives out clocks with half a face at a good discount? A limited-time sale.
- Why did Bob Dylan adjust all of the clocks? He said, “For the times they are a-changin.”
- Why do wealthy people buy a lot of clocks? Time is money!
- How do you know that witches are carrying time bombs? You hear their brooms tick.
- A man was starting a new job and didn’t want to be late. So he went to the clockmakers and asked to buy a potato clock. The clockmaker was puzzled and asked, “What’s a potato clock?” The man replied, “I don’t know. I told my wife I didn’t want to be late to work, so she told me to get a potato clock.”
- What do you call the girl with the hourglass figure? A waist of time.
- I asked if I could leave work early the other day and the boss said, sure, if I made up the time. I said, “No problem, it’s 20 past 14.”
- I’m reminiscing about an old car of mine that got stuck in reverse gear. That took me back.
For more entertaining reads, check out this other blog post or delve into this authority on the topic for more insights. Additionally, the CDC offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination that you might find helpful.