When I got married for the first time, I was in my mid-twenties, youthful and energetic, with plenty of time to focus on myself. My days were filled with work and socializing, and I always looked my best. He was deeply attracted to me.
Fast forward to our first anniversary, and we welcomed our first child into the world. I had gained over fifty pounds during pregnancy and cut my long hair short, which he had always adored. Still, he was counting down the days until we could be intimate again.
We decided it was best for me to stay home to care for our son, a choice that brought me immense joy. Instead of getting dressed for work every day, I slipped into comfortable velour joggers and spent my time playing on the floor with my little one. My grooming routine took a backseat—I barely had time to shave my legs or style my hair.
When he came home in the evenings, I was often in pajamas or his flannel shirts, and my hair was usually a mess. Yet, he still wanted to be intimate with me.
As our family grew, so did my body with each pregnancy. My wardrobe shrank to a collection of jeans, sweatpants, and simple T-shirts. I prioritized a quick skincare routine and didn’t have time for the gym. My days revolved around keeping our three toddlers content and maintaining some semblance of order in our home.
And guess what? He still desired me. His love for me transcended my physical changes, and he embraced the new reality of our lives together. He never needed accolades for this.
I’ve come across various memes and videos from mothers expressing gratitude that their husbands still want to be intimate after they’ve gained weight or stopped prioritizing their appearance. Here’s the truth: Your partner isn’t a hero for wanting to be intimate with you when you aren’t always looking your best. This isn’t a virtue; they don’t deserve praise for it, and it certainly doesn’t make them a good partner.
If your partner is complaining about their low sex drive because you’ve gained weight or don’t put in as much effort into your appearance, then they are being unreasonable.
Men also experience changes. They can gain weight, become less presentable, and embrace comfort over style, just like anyone else. They have their own flaws, like bad hygiene or unkempt hair.
The reality is, no one looks perfect all the time. When you live with someone and share a family, you see them at their best and worst, and it’s not always appealing.
If you’re the one staying home with the kids, you know that there isn’t much time or energy for self-care. Your body changes, grooming falls behind, and you might find yourself in comfy clothes most days.
What matters most is that a loving partner recognizes your efforts and finds beauty in your role as a parent. They won’t fixate on minor imperfections; they will appreciate the amazing person you are.
So let’s stop glorifying men for wanting to be intimate with us when we’re in their oversized shirts, have remnants of baby food in our hair, and are navigating the chaos of parenthood. No one deserves a medal for “still” wanting to be close to you. Remember, you are the true treasure in this partnership.
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- How to maintain intimacy after kids
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Summary: This article emphasizes that partners should not be praised for wanting intimacy despite physical changes after childbirth. It argues that love goes beyond appearances and that true partners appreciate each other for who they are, not just how they look.