Women on TikTok are banding together under the hashtag #WeaponizedIncompetence to highlight a frustrating male behavior that many are all too familiar with. This term refers to men who deliberately feign incompetence to avoid responsibilities, particularly in household chores and parenting. If you’ve ever felt your blood boil watching these TikToks, you’re not alone—this concept is infuriating.
For those unfamiliar with the term, weaponized incompetence is when someone pretends to be incapable of performing tasks so that their partner will take over. This dynamic often leaves women shouldering the majority of household and parenting duties, as it’s easier for them to just do it themselves than to deal with a partner’s lack of initiative.
This behavior ties into the concept of “emotional labor.” Even if a husband contributes to household tasks, if he requires constant reminders on what to do or how to do it, it becomes an additional burden on his partner. The emotional toll of having to ask is its own chore.
Why Do Some Dads Get to Relax?
Why is it that fathers often get to enjoy the luxuries of sleeping in or taking long showers? Is it because they are not contributing effectively and thus get to relax while their partner does the heavy lifting? Educator Laura Danger, who creates resources to challenge these dynamics, emphasizes that if fathers are going to enjoy those perks, their partners should too.
Examples of Weaponized Incompetence
A prime example of this incompetence is when a father unplugged a wax melter but carelessly allowed the cord to touch the melting wax. This careless mistake adds to the wife’s mental load, as she will now have to remind him to be cautious in the future. It’s easier for her to just do it herself to avoid potential disasters, like a house fire.
It raises the question: why are some dads unable to even dress their children correctly? One TikTok creator highlighted a father struggling to put a six-year-old’s clothes on properly. After years of parenting experience, how can he still be so inept? The creator questions why standards are set so low for men and fathers.
One TikTok user illustrated a familiar scenario where a woman asks her husband to help clean the house, only to be met with the excuse, “You know I don’t notice stuff like that; you have to tell me what to do.” This response is infuriating for many women, as it minimizes their efforts and reinforces the notion that household responsibilities are primarily theirs.
The Problematic Perspective
Some may argue that at least the husband is willing to help, but that perspective is problematic. The notion that helping around the house is a favor implies that household duties are primarily the woman’s responsibility. This is simply unacceptable. Men should share equally in the responsibilities of running a household, and they shouldn’t receive praise for doing what is expected of them as adults.
Moreover, the constant need to explain tasks to a partner can be an added stressor. Why can’t they just see the mess and take action? When it comes to parenting, a male partner is not just a “babysitter”; he is a parent, and he needs to act like one.
This behavior is disrespectful and reveals a lack of concern for the extra work and stress it creates for their partners. It’s time for men to step up and be equal partners rather than additional dependents in the household. This ongoing issue is rooted in generations of internalized misogyny, and it’s time for men today to set better examples for their sons and be equal partners to their wives. In 2021, there’s no excuse for not knowing how to do laundry.
Further Reading
For more insight on addressing these household dynamics, check out this blog post on home insemination. For additional resources, visit ASRM, which offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. You can also learn about the health benefits related to this topic.
Search Queries:
- What is weaponized incompetence?
- How to address household responsibilities in marriage
- Signs of weaponized incompetence in relationships
- How to encourage equal parenting
- Tips for sharing household chores
In summary, the #WeaponizedIncompetence movement on TikTok highlights a frustrating behavior in which some men deliberately avoid responsibilities, leaving women to pick up the slack. This dynamic not only places an unfair burden on women but also perpetuates outdated gender roles. It’s essential for men to actively participate in household duties and parenting, not just as a favor but as equal partners.