I’ve always identified as more of an introvert, finding comfort in solitude. Social anxiety has been a constant companion, and I often feel overwhelmed in crowded spaces. However, the pandemic has amplified these traits to a whole new level. Honestly, I feel like I’ve forgotten how to interact with others.
Picture this: I stumble through conversations, babbling on and then later wondering, what was that all about? Did I really just say that? I replay the conversation in my mind, filled with self-doubt—did I come off as boring? Or worse, did I sound rude? This is especially true with acquaintances, where even basic exchanges become painfully awkward.
When someone asks, “How have you been?” I find myself at a loss for words. Should I confess to feeling drained by pandemic fatigue and the weight of it all, or should I express my immense gratitude for my family’s safety? Most days, I feel a confusing mix of loneliness, frustration, gratitude, and fear. So, I usually end up saying, “I’m fine, how are you?” and immediately regret it, worrying I either shared too much or not enough.
This struggle stems from a few factors. My tolerance for superficial interactions has significantly decreased. I’ve become more selective about who I spend time with, as the last couple of years has forced me to reevaluate my relationships. Some friendships have strengthened, while others have faded away, and I’ve been more discerning about who I want in my life. Social distancing has also played a role; avoiding gatherings has made my social anxiety worse, making me feel like I’ve forgotten how to be a normal person.
It’s a vicious cycle: I feel uncomfortable around people, so I avoid them, which only heightens my awkwardness when I do engage. I don’t want to retreat into my shell, hiding from interactions. I yearn for the ability to converse without feeling my palms sweat or my heart race, without worrying about how I might have embarrassed myself in a brief chat.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any magic solutions beyond the cliché advice of just trying to push through the awkwardness and being kind to ourselves. We should also reconsider the automatic “I’m fine” responses—let’s be honest, most of us aren’t doing just fine right now.
To my fellow introverts grappling with social interaction, know that you’re not alone; I see you, and I am you. To everyone else, please be patient with us—socializing is especially challenging at this moment.
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