As a parent, it’s crucial to teach children about personal boundaries and the importance of respecting others’ bodies – including not peeking under dresses. My six-year-old twin daughters, who are both in first grade, are enthusiastic about wearing dresses, to the point where I often have to convince them that pants are just as good. Consequently, they frequently choose dresses, but this means we face a daily dilemma: what shorts should they wear underneath?
Despite my reminders about the discomfort of wearing both shorts and a dress in 85-degree heat, they often respond with, “But Mommy, the boys look at our underwear during recess.” That statement caught me off guard.
One morning, my daughter was in tears because I wouldn’t let her wear shorts under her dress. “Aviah, why would you want to sit in a hot classroom with both a dress and shorts?” I asked. Her response revealed the truth: “Mommy, the boys look up our skirts when we play on the playground. They even say, ‘I can see your underwear!’”
I took a moment to gather my thoughts before responding kindly, “Which shorts would you like to wear today?” I realized I needed to ensure my daughters felt safe and protected at school and on the playground. These boys’ actions made my daughters feel uneasy during recess.
Julia Feldman, a California-based sex education expert and the founder of Giving the Talk, emphasizes the importance of teaching children essential social skills as they grow. Kids often mimic behaviors they observe, and unfortunately, our society frequently presents them with inappropriate examples.
Feldman notes that the concepts of public versus private and bodily autonomy are often unclear to children. “You might find that your kids think it’s acceptable for adults to have unrestricted access to their bodies,” she explains. It’s vital for us as parents to provide clear guidance on boundaries that align with our family values.
Kids absorb what we communicate, even when we think they’re not listening. It’s essential to be honest with ourselves about our relationship with our bodies. The more comfortable we are discussing bodily autonomy, the better we can equip our children to do the same. Feldman stresses that modeling healthy boundaries is critical; if we struggle to communicate our own boundaries, our children are likely to imitate that discomfort.
To help parents get started, Julia recommends books like “My Body! What I Say Goes!” and “No Means No!” by Jayneen Sanders. Additionally, to empower our children, she suggests using straightforward phrases to communicate boundaries. Some useful phrases include:
- Stop
- Please don’t touch me
- I need some space
- Leave me alone
- My body belongs to me
- That makes me uncomfortable
- Please respect my privacy
Encourage your children to express their feelings and needs clearly, empowering them to stand up for themselves. I’m committed to equipping my daughters with the language and resources they need to feel safe.
Teaching our children about safety in their surroundings is vital, especially when it comes to setting clear boundaries and respecting others’ space and privacy. The sooner we provide them with this knowledge and address their inquiries honestly, the better prepared they’ll be for the world outside.
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In summary, it’s critical for parents to proactively teach children about personal boundaries and respect for others’ bodies. By fostering open conversations and providing resources, we can empower our kids to navigate social dynamics safely and confidently.