I’d like to share some advice I received from doctors, lactation consultants, sleep experts, and well-meaning friends during my pregnancy and postpartum journey:
- It’s best to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months.
- Newborns shouldn’t nap for more than 3–4 hours at a time.
- Prioritize self-care.
- Aim for at least 5.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep daily.
- Never leave your baby unattended.
- Avoid letting your baby sleep on you.
- Put your baby down to sleep in their crib when they’re sleepy but still awake.
- Always burp your baby after feeding and keep them upright for 15 minutes.
- Always place your baby on their back to sleep.
- Wait three weeks before introducing a pacifier or bottle to prevent nipple confusion.
- Don’t pump for the first three weeks to avoid engorgement.
- Remember to do tummy time every day.
- Make time for yourself and your partner.
- Sleep when the baby sleeps.
- Eat healthily.
- Seek support.
And then it’s, “See you back in 6-7 weeks for your check-up.”
The lack of maternal mental health support and postpartum care is glaring. During my hospital stay, I had a brief five-minute call with a social worker who quickly skimmed over available resources and concluded by suggesting my husband should be supportive. When I asked if she wanted to speak to him directly, she simply said, “No, just remind him.”
Throughout my postpartum journey, the focus tends to be heavily on the newborn’s needs, which, while crucial for the baby’s health, often leaves mothers feeling isolated and bewildered. I vividly recall late-night Googling about my own perineal pain, desperate for answers about healing and emotional well-being. Ironically, as a mental health professional, I should have been equipped for this, yet I found myself unprepared for the chaos of new motherhood. My instinct to be a “perfect” mother created immense pressure, hindering my ability to trust my instincts and find what truly worked for my family.
Perfectionism crept into my early days of motherhood, making me feel inadequate for not immediately understanding my baby’s cries or for experiencing anything other than joy. I repeatedly reminded myself that “perfect mothers don’t exist,” but the pressure lingered, leading me to question my abilities as a mother.
The journey into motherhood confronted me with fears of unworthiness tied to productivity, stemming from societal expectations of motherhood being a role filled without complaint. I often overlooked my own efforts—tending to my baby’s needs, breastfeeding through pain, and multitasking with one hand.
Society often lacks compassion for mothers during tough times, and the gratitude for their work is often missing. Just look at our national maternity leave policies for evidence of this undervaluation.
I struggled to extend myself grace, even though I believed deeply that mothers deserve recognition for their hard work. Instead, I found myself in a cycle of self-judgment, longing for my pre-baby life, and feeling guilty for not enjoying every moment. The challenges were amplified by the COVID-19 pandemic, which added layers of anxiety and isolation.
Now, I recognize it’s perfectly valid to feel a range of emotions. Motherhood is a monumental transition, bringing with it a steep learning curve. I have a newfound appreciation for my therapist, who helped me navigate these feelings and reassured me that I was not alone in this experience.
I owe immense gratitude to my own mother for her support and care during this time, showing me a side of her that I didn’t fully appreciate until becoming a parent myself.
The profound loss of freedom that comes with motherhood was something my mom tried to prepare me for, but I didn’t grasp it until living it. Motherhood is an all-consuming role, often demanding more than it gives, and it can be disorienting if you’re used to order and self-care.
I once scribbled in my journal, “I was a whole person before becoming a mother. Where does that person go?”
Through my journey, I’ve realized that being a mother doesn’t mean losing all my other identities; it’s more like saying, “See you later” to some of those parts. My goal now is to remain present with my baby, allowing myself to feel all my emotions and accepting them, even the uncomfortable ones. I remind myself that it’s possible to love my baby while grappling with the harder aspects of motherhood.
I’m actively seeking a supportive postpartum group. The simple act of writing while my baby sleeps is proof that things can improve. Although I wished for more guidance during the newborn phase, I’m grateful to have emerged from that dark tunnel.
For anyone else navigating this journey—whether you’re new to motherhood or seasoned—I hope my story reassures you that you’re not alone. There’s no right way to navigate this new path; we learn from each day and do our best. As our babies grow, we grow too. If you’re doing the work of mothering, know that you are enough because mothers are human too.
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Search Queries:
- how to manage postpartum emotions
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- importance of postpartum support
- self-care tips for new moms
- finding postpartum support groups
In summary, motherhood can be overwhelming, and it’s important to acknowledge all the feelings that come with it. Seeking support and allowing oneself to feel a range of emotions is essential in navigating this new chapter. Remember, there’s no right way to be a mother; we each find our path.