When I tried to enjoy Home Alone last Christmas with my then-nine-year-old daughter and seven-year-old twins, I certainly didn’t anticipate that we would have to stop it a third of the way through due to their terrified reactions. They were scrambling into my lap, practically screaming. The comedic premise of being left alone to fend off burglars while possibly encountering a spooky neighbor was just too overwhelming for them, despite my assurances that the old man was a friend. I should have foreseen this, given that the snow monster in Frozen, the escapades in Jumanji, and all of Coco were also too intense for my sensitive kids. What many consider family-friendly films often prove to be too much for my little ‘nervous nellies.’
Growing up, I watched films like Scooby-Doo, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, E.T., and Nightmare on Elm Street—classics that scared us back then and likely left some lasting impressions, yet adults seemed unbothered. Now, as a parent, I wouldn’t dream of exposing my kids to the movies I enjoyed at their age; I simply don’t have the patience for those nightmares. We might have watched Casper last Halloween as our “spooky” choice.
When it comes to films that aren’t classified as scary, there are nearly always scenes that I find myself having to explain. Sometimes, we even have to abandon the movie entirely. I learned my lesson the hard way when watching The NeverEnding Story with my eldest. How did I forget about the horse? Ah, early trauma does that. My bad!
Every child is different, and some are more sensitive than others, which is completely normal. Many kids struggle to distinguish between fiction and reality. They can’t shake the idea that the villain might really come after them or that a parent could leave or even die. Seriously, Disney? I really didn’t think that Toy Story or Lady and The Tramp would cause any issues.
Sierra Filucci, an executive parenting editor at Common Sense Media, notes that “grotesque faces or anything outside the realm of realistic expressions can disturb children, while adults may not notice.”
Instead of dismissing a child’s fears by insisting there’s nothing to worry about, it’s essential to acknowledge their feelings. Just because we aren’t scared doesn’t mean they aren’t. Telling them otherwise can undermine their emotions. I have paused movies to explain what will happen next, reassured them that characters will be okay, and pointed out the silliness of what frightens them, reminding them that it’s all fiction. Sometimes this approach helps, and we get through the scene; other times, we have to find a new film.
Before selecting a movie, I rely on Common Sense Media for guidance. Once we narrow it down to a few options, we watch the trailer a couple of times to gauge their comfort level. I read the movie description and remind them that we can always stop if someone feels scared.
Interestingly, my kids possess vivid imaginations and often incorporate what they see into their play. They are into hide-and-seek, spy missions, and engaging in epic pool noodle battles. My son enjoys sketching monsters and action scenes, but when it comes to watching them in movies, he wants nothing to do with it. Despite having plenty of toy swords and ninja stars, he’s the first to give up when fight scenes arise on screen.
Filucci also mentions that parents are often surprised by what truly frightens their kids. My son adored The Mandalorian, despite its strange creatures and battles, so I thought he would enjoy Iron Man, another superhero film without Lego figures. Not quite; there was “too much fighting.” In contrast to The Mandalorian, it lacked a cute character to lighten the mood.
My daughters managed to make it through Iron Man by knowing there were sequels, which reassured them that the hero would survive. They are willing to give the next film a shot, but my son prefers to rewatch the Paw Patrol movie. That’s the kind of gentle, predictable film that draws my kids in—especially him—making it tricky to settle on a movie. Finding something I’m excited to watch with them can be even more challenging. My kids lean towards movies like Air Bud, Space Jam, and Paw Patrol, which is more than okay.
Choosing a movie requires a little extra time and effort, but I’m not in a hurry to desensitize my kids. I also don’t believe they should have to endure discomfort. Research by Dr. Joanne Cantor from the University of Wisconsin and Dr. Kristen Harrison from the University of Michigan shows that kids who watch movies they didn’t intend to see are more likely to endure long-lasting fright effects, including crying and clinging tendencies. No thanks.
While I’d love to watch something with more depth, it’s not worth traumatizing my kids for a complex storyline. Besides, it’s quite endearing that they aren’t ready for some films their peers are watching. It won’t be long before their innocence fades, so I’m more than happy to keep family movie nights enjoyable for my little ‘nervous nellies.’
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Summary:
The author shares her experience navigating movie nights with her sensitive children, emphasizing the importance of validating their emotions and choosing appropriate films. Instead of forcing them to confront their fears, she prefers to create a comforting atmosphere during family movie nights, understanding that every child has their unique level of sensitivity.