I just hit the milestone of my thirtieth wedding anniversary. It came and went without any fanfare—just another ordinary Tuesday, a nice bottle of wine, some seafood, and a few cute photos shared online. Honestly, reaching this milestone didn’t feel like an extraordinary feat. I have plenty of friends and family who are still navigating their long-term marriages. I also know people my age who are newlyweds, and one friend who finally found her Mr. Right with husband number three. They are still in that blissful, starry-eyed phase, so I try not to dwell on my own marriage’s ups and downs when I’m around them. While they have much to learn, hitting 30 years didn’t seem as monumental as it might be perceived. If I had to choose between staying married or diving back into the online dating scene… shudder.
I don’t have any profound wisdom to share or secret tips for success (if I were to lead a Master Class on marriage, it would likely resemble a comedy show). However, after thirty years, I suppose I have some experience in coexisting with quirks, right?
Sure, we’ve come a long way, but it’s not because I chose the perfect partner (more on his peculiar habits later). Honestly, I think I just picked someone who tolerates my idiosyncrasies quite well.
I like to think of myself as easy-going. Until I’m not.
I’m somewhat sensible. Unless it involves shoes.
I consider myself reasonably intelligent. Until history, geography, or science come into play.
I can be a lot of fun. Until it’s time for Tito’s.
And let’s not even get started on my love for high heels, hot wings, beer, and karaoke.
Trust me, as wives go, I bring a lot to the table. Him? Well, that’s a different story.
He’s a bit quirky (for instance, he insists on closing all the blinds in the house when showering, convinced the neighbors are spying on him), a little rebellious (he absolutely refuses to get up in the middle of the night to finish a colonoscopy prep), and can be quite annoying (everyone seems to adore him! Seriously, it’s frustrating). Even worse, while I fight against aging (collagen powder, anyone?), he seems to embrace it. Want the extended weather forecast before your morning coffee? He’s your go-to guy.
His signature move? Watching rock and roll documentaries at the crack of dawn on weekends and then giving me a rundown of them throughout the day. Stevie Nicks, we hardly knew ye.
And then there are those classic husband behaviors that I’m pretty sure are written in the Husband Oath:
- Picking movies that no one else can stand, then dozing off during them and asking for a recap (hard pass).
- Taking control of the remote, selecting a show, and then instantaneously scrolling through his phone.
- Warming up the shower for longer than he takes to shower.
- And the absolute worst: effortlessly shedding pounds whenever he feels a bit heavy.
How does he even have a partner?
I could scream, but if I’m being honest, it’s not all bad. For one, he’s a fantastic dad (although he lost some authority after a heated family argument led to the now-infamous phrase, “This ain’t no gangsta family!”). While it diffused the tension, it took a while for our four teens to recover from that one. He’s slowly regaining some credibility with them (he’s run a couple of marathons and learned to use Venmo), so it’s all good.
He’s a keeper. He understands me. He still warns me to be careful every time he sees me on my folding step stool. And he continues to buy me tiny, lacy underwear online because, in his eyes, I haven’t aged a day since 1991.
Most days, we embody a living marriage meme (“If you enjoy getting annoyed by how someone loads the dishwasher, marriage might be for you!”), but we’ve found our rhythm. Long-term couples tend to get a little heavier, greyer, crankier, and less glamorous over the years. We’ve learned that the secret is not to go through all of that at once. We stagger it.
Our marriage has seen its share of critical moments, but like childbirth, those times fade into distant memories after you’ve weathered the storms. At our core, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. And (quirks aside) we make each other laugh.
Speaking of quirks, I won’t spill any tea here—just know he’s got some outrageous dance moves in public (think a ridiculously cheerful man with arms raised, encouraging others to join him—like a human billboard for Club Med). In our private love language, this signals that I’m now the designated driver. See? We complement each other well.
So, James, will you accept this rose?
It’s time for a celebration. How about we get a little romantic and revisit our three-hour wedding video to see if we can recognize anyone?
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Summary:
After 30 years of marriage, Lila reflects on the ups and downs of her partnership with James, highlighting their quirks, challenges, and the humor that keeps their relationship alive. Despite the mundane moments, they’ve learned to navigate life together and celebrate the love that has grown over the years.