When my twins arrived, I suddenly found myself with three kids in diapers. The mess, the expense, the odor, the hassle of dressing and undressing—it was overwhelming. While I dreaded diaper changes, I didn’t feel compelled to rush my kids into potty training. I had heard tales of parents training their infants by interpreting their cues, rushing them to the toilet before accidents happened. Others simply removed the diapers and forced their toddlers to use the toilet. No thanks! I was also told not to stress about the toilet training process. “You’ve never seen a college student in diapers, have you?” Well, that’s a bit of an ableist comment, and having attended Penn State, I certainly witnessed a lot of unusual things.
My approach to potty training was laid-back, following my children’s cues. While I did encourage my son more actively due to preschool requirements, I never subjected my kids to a strict potty training bootcamp. You don’t have to either. Here’s some advice from a parent who no longer has kids in diapers.
They Need to Be Ready
The saying “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” sums up the potty training experience well. Toddlers, in particular, are known for their stubbornness and desire for control. If your child isn’t interested in sitting on the toilet, wearing big kid underwear, or is content with their dirty diaper, then initiating potty training will likely be frustrating and exhausting for you as you clean up accidents and do endless laundry.
Luckily, my eldest began showing interest in potty training shortly after her siblings were born. Daycare introduced her to mini toilets after diaper changes, which piqued her curiosity. We bought a mini potty for home and encouraged her to try it out. Pull-ups were used briefly, but what really motivated her was choosing her own underwear. As she learned to use the toilet, the desire to keep her new underwear clean helped solidify the process.
In the initial weeks, I would remind her to use the potty every hour or so. There was some bribery involved, using M&Ms as incentives when she was hesitant, but I never forced her. Yes, there were accidents and anxiety about them, but we avoided a power struggle.
Find the Right Potty and Approach
We experimented with different mini potties, but my daughters disliked the splashing that happened when they used them. So, I opted for a seat insert for the regular toilet, which had handles and a step stool to make it easier for them to get on and off.
My son was afraid of the big toilet and disliked the splashing from the mini potties. I tried showing him how to pee standing up, but that didn’t work for him either. We practiced sitting on the closed toilet lid to get him comfortable. Then I had him sit on the insert with his clothes on while I held his hands. Gradually, we moved to sitting naked while he held my hands. When he was ready to try peeing, I taught him to position himself correctly. Pooping took longer to master, and I ended up tossing a few pairs of underwear before he figured it out. He wanted to learn, but the process required patience.
There’s no way my son would have thrived in a three-day potty training bootcamp just because I decided he was ready to ditch the diapers.
You Might Experience Setbacks
Navigating potty training can feel like an uphill battle. It’s important that your child is willing to participate and is motivated to try, aided by encouragement and rewards. Kids should not be punished for setbacks or accidents. According to Rebecca Parlakian, a senior director at Zero to Three, “They learn new skills through practice and repetition and opportunities to fail.”
It’s normal for a child to regress or continue experiencing nighttime accidents. Various factors can contribute to this, including changes in environment, the arrival of a new sibling, or emotional stress. Anxiety and shame can perpetuate regression, so it’s crucial to remain calm and boost your child’s confidence with praise. And always have an extra set of clothes on hand.
We must approach this significant transition for our kids with patience and gentleness. Many children are ready to start potty training between 18 and 24 months, while most are prepared around three years old. Every child is unique, and if they aren’t ready to say goodbye to diapers, it can be a struggle for everyone involved.
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Summary
Potty training can be a challenging process, but it doesn’t need to be a bootcamp. Every child is different and will show readiness at their own pace. Focus on gentle encouragement, patience, and understanding that setbacks may happen. Celebrate small victories, and remember that this transition is a significant milestone for your child.
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