Updated: Sep. 9, 2021
Remember Sheryl Crow’s “You’re My Favorite Mistake”? Sometimes, I wonder if that’s true for me. When I was twenty-one, my ex was a striking six feet tall, with a lean build, bleach-tipped hair, bright blue eyes, and a dash of ADHD. His mind raced with ideas, and I’d still say he is one of the two smartest men I’ve ever known—my husband being the other. While my husband possesses a gentle intelligence that meanders through fantasy novels and science, C. engaged in robust debates about politics and policy, often in class. His sharp one-liner against modern colonialism in South America is still legendary in our old university circles.
Some days, I find myself yearning for that reckless boy.
We first connected while I was seeing someone else. “I’m coming for your birthday,” he said, knowing full well my boyfriend was visiting.
“Don’t do that,” I replied.
He flashed that charming lopsided grin, “Maybe I will.”
“Don’t you dare,” I warned, but I knew he’d take any challenge thrown at him. I was drawn to that daring spirit.
He leaned in for a back-bending kiss, teasing, “You’ll just have to wait and see,” before swaggering off as if he owned the world.
On my birthday, I was a bundle of nerves, fearful that two guys would show up at my door ready to brawl. Luckily, he didn’t go through with his threat, but it was that thrilling aura of danger that made him unforgettable. Later, we even left our stash in my underwear drawer for my parents to discover—another story for another time.
Two Decades Later
It’s been twenty years since I last saw him. Sometimes, amidst the chaos of family life, I reminisce about those wild days. Certain summer nights trigger memories of sneaking off to his hot tub while his parents were glued to the TV. I remember shooting cans off his diving board with a BB gun, much to the dismay of his neighbors.
He embodied a thrilling kind of danger, and I was just as reckless alongside him. We smoked too much, had loud sex in my dorm room, and increased our volume whenever we heard footsteps. He loved to argue, switching sides just to stir the pot, and we often skipped class to blast music and sing along with the wind in our faces. His unexpected affection for Billy Joel had us memorizing every word to “We Didn’t Start the Fire”—it became a playful contest of who could recite it fastest.
Once, I joked that he wouldn’t marry me in Vegas.
“No, you wouldn’t marry me,” he retorted.
“Uh-uh, you wouldn’t.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
And just then, his phone rang—our dorm’s assistant principal on the other end, telling him to return to campus and warning him against our impulsive plans. Thank goodness he did!
I Don’t Really Miss My Ex
I did look him up, as curiosity often gets the better of me. Once, while in his city—where he’s now a successful lawyer—I nearly called him after a few drinks, but my friend stopped me. He’s married now, with kids the same age as mine. He’s not that tall, chiseled guy anymore; he’s balding and has put on a few pounds (who hasn’t?). I don’t miss the physical intimacy we shared—though it was exhilarating—I find more happiness in my life with my husband.
I don’t miss our arguments; they were exhausting and often trivial. Sure, counting palmetto bugs was amusing, but it didn’t outweigh the stress of our loud disputes. I don’t miss my ex.
What I do miss is the thrill of youth and the excitement we exuded. I remember the looks of shock and awe on people’s faces as we passed by, the subtle sense of rebellion we embodied. I miss that exhilarating chaos that came with being with someone who challenged the norm. However, the reality is I’m too old for that kind of wildness now, and so is he. I’d rather preserve those memories as they are—untamed and vibrant—while cherishing the quiet joy I have with my husband, sharing mornings over coffee with someone who loves the real me.
I truly wish the same for my ex.
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Summary
The author reflects on a past relationship with their “favorite ex,” reminiscing about youthful adventures and the thrill of being young and reckless. Despite nostalgia for those exciting times, they acknowledge that they don’t miss their ex but rather the freedom and exhilaration of youth. Their current relationship with their husband brings them happiness, providing a sense of stability and genuine love, while they hope for their ex’s happiness as well.