My partner and I are both in recovery from alcoholism. I’ve been sober for 12 years, while he has been sober for two. We had different drinking patterns; I was a binge drinker, with one drink often leading to many more until I was too intoxicated to function. My partner, on the other hand, was a habitual drinker. He would crack open a beer after work, and it became a part of our daily routine—whether celebrating or dealing with stress, alcohol seemed to be the solution. Initially, it started with beer, but soon he moved on to wine, and then hard liquor. It became clear to me that this was causing a rift in our relationship, and neither of us was truly happy.
In the early stages of my sobriety, I didn’t hold resentment towards him for drinking; I was steadfast in my decision to quit. I was fine with him having a drink or two when we went out. However, those drinks gradually escalated to stronger choices, leading to arguments and tension at home. After a decade of witnessing his drinking spiral into alcoholic behavior, I reached a breaking point. It was unhealthy for both of us.
Then one evening, while dining at one of his favorite restaurants, he surprised me by ordering water instead of his usual glass of wine. When I asked him why, he revealed that he had decided to stop drinking—not just for the night, but permanently. He hadn’t touched a drop in two weeks, and I was completely taken aback but also filled with relief and pride. He had chosen to be a father over a drunk.
Since that moment, our marriage has transformed. We argue less, spend more quality time together, and our children are flourishing. However, this leads me to my biggest concern: our children. What lessons should we impart?
Our children, aged 13, 11, 8, and 5, are aware of our struggles with alcohol. We speak about our past openly. We don’t live in a completely alcohol-free home; we often have drinks for guests, which can be confusing for kids. They may wonder why we buy it if we don’t partake. This is a complicated conversation.
I strive to teach my children that alcohol isn’t inherently bad; many people can enjoy it responsibly. However, given our family history, they may not have that luxury. Genetics plays a significant role in the risk of developing alcoholism, making the odds less favorable for them. I want them to be aware of the potential consequences of drinking, both short-term and long-term. It’s crucial they understand that excessive drinking can lead to serious life consequences, such as losing jobs or damaging relationships.
While I don’t want my kids to fear alcohol, I hope they approach it with caution and responsibility. I want them to understand that they might be more vulnerable to developing unhealthy relationships with alcohol. The last thing I want for them is to follow in our footsteps.
Currently, my older kids claim they will never drink, which sounds great, but I know that college life or peer pressure may alter those views. I worry they might experiment behind my back and quickly develop a dependency without fully grasping the repercussions. It’s a fine line to walk.
As they grow, I hope they remember their origins and make informed choices. Our past doesn’t define them, but it does influence their lives. My mother always advised moderation, a principle I hope they adopt. Alcohol is everywhere, but good choices can be made. We emphasize critical thinking from a young age, aiming for them to act thoughtfully throughout their lives.
I want them to know they don’t have to conform to societal pressures or feel the need to drink to fit in. Enjoying a drink can be fine, but they need to recognize their limits. I pray for their safety, wisdom, and strength as they navigate these choices. While my story has a happy ending, I still hope they don’t mirror our past.
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In summary, my partner and I are committed to raising our children with an understanding of alcohol’s dangers while encouraging responsible choices. We aim to guide them without instilling fear, hoping they cultivate moderation and self-awareness as they grow.