The meaning of motherhood has transformed along with my personal growth.
I often reflected on how difficult my journey has been for my children. They have been by my side through countless changes, caught up in the whirlwind of my decisions and transitions.
Divorce. Remarriage. Another divorce. Sobriety. Coming out.
In the past, I viewed this list as a source of shame, a mark against me. But now, I see it as a ladder, each rung representing a step I took to rise above my circumstances, with my children as the steadfast witnesses to my evolution. They would likely tell you it wasn’t always easy to keep up; it often felt daunting and wrong. Change can be particularly challenging for kids, and while some adapt quickly, others take longer. Each divorce brought new family dynamics and socioeconomic shifts, leading me to sit them down repeatedly to create lists of “what will stay the same” and “what will change.” This exercise helped us recognize the constants in our relationship through turbulent times.
When I became a mother at just 22, I was still figuring out how to care for myself, let alone for little ones. I had to mature into the person I am today, which included acknowledging mistakes in my past relationships. Those realizations prompted necessary changes that, although painful, opened the door to a brighter future for us all.
These transformations ultimately made me a better parent—one who prioritizes her own well-being to better care for her family. For me, that journey included getting sober and, eventually, embracing my identity as a queer woman.
Recently, I shared my story about sobriety and sexuality on a wider platform. While I was accustomed to being open with strangers, it felt different to allow my loved ones to read my most vulnerable thoughts. I worried my kids might feel betrayed by my revelations. After sharing the links with them, I anxiously awaited their feedback.
That night, as I washed dishes in the dark, my children unexpectedly burst through the door, their smiles lighting up the room.
- “Who was that guy you dated the last time you drank?”
- “Where do we fit into the story?”
- “Can you write about us someday?”
- “I had no idea things were so tough for you. Sorry, Mama.”
- “I’m glad you’re sober and writing. My friends think it’s cool.”
Their reaction astonished me. I had expected something more difficult to digest, yet their responses opened up a new avenue for discussion—about my life, their lives, and the world around us.
Such moments highlight the profound nature of love. While my life may not fit the traditional mold, I no longer feel guilty for offering my children a unique upbringing. If my kids can recognize that change and self-discovery are not merely possible but beneficial, I have no regrets.
I refuse to feel guilty for expressing my vulnerability while ensuring their safety. Despite the changes in our lifestyles, I have always been their safe haven—imperfect yet stable. Motherhood has meant being a caretaker, teacher, and guide. The meaning of our relationship has continually evolved, and I suspect it always will.
Being part of the queer community has shown me the power of chosen family—those we embrace when our biological families may not understand or accept us. I have become a source of support for many who feel lost, embodying the love that transcends traditional definitions of family. Just as I once thought love was one thing, I’ve learned it is a myriad of connections, understandings, and shared experiences.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and personal growth, check out this article on home insemination. Additionally, you can find valuable information about financial stress related to parenthood at Intracervical Insemination. For those exploring options for pregnancy, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources on insemination.
Search Queries
- How to navigate divorce and parenting
- Understanding sobriety and motherhood
- Coming out as a queer parent
- Building strong family relationships after divorce
- The importance of self-care for mothers
In summary, my motherhood journey has been marked by significant transitions, each helping shape me into a more resilient and nurturing parent. Through the challenges of divorce, sobriety, and self-discovery, I have learned that love is multifaceted and that embracing change can lead to profound growth for both me and my children.