Last year, my kids learned from home while I worked remotely, allowing us to enjoy leisurely mornings that often began close to 9:00 a.m. Transitioning back to an earlier, rigid wake-up schedule this year was bound to be a challenge, especially for my 15-year-old son, Max, who is definitely not a morning person.
The night before school started, I knocked on Max’s door, ready to impose my set plans for his computer time, bedtime, and morning wake-up. But then I recalled a TikTok video featuring a psychologist who advised parents to treat their teenagers more like adults—encouraging them to make their own decisions instead of being told what to do.
Instead of saying, “You need to log off in 30 minutes, and then it’s bedtime,” I asked, “We have to leave at 7:45 tomorrow. What time do you think you should wake up to be ready?” After a moment’s thought, he responded with 7:00 a.m.
“Great choice! Now, what time do you think you should stop gaming to ensure you get to bed on time?” He suggested 10:30 p.m. I reminded him that he needs about nine hours of sleep, and he proposed 10:00 instead, which I agreed was perfect.
There were no arguments, no whining, and I didn’t need to dictate his schedule. He took the lead, establishing his own routine. For many parents, this may seem trivial, but for Max, who has ADHD, this was a game-changer. In the past, I often had to remind him repeatedly—some might even say nag him—to get things done. Mornings were particularly tough, as I would have to wrestle him out of bed and encourage him to care about being on time.
However, the insight from that TikTok psychologist stuck with me: I needed to give Max the initiative he required to manage his own life. After years of overseeing every detail of our daily lives, it’s time for me to step back. With only three years left until he’s off to start his own journey, I need to empower him with more control.
Now, instead of listing tasks during our morning rush, I ask, “What else do you need to do to make sure we leave on time?” This reframes what could have been a command into a question that prompts him to consider what he still needs to accomplish and how much time remains.
Micromanaging him isn’t beneficial anymore. It can come across as a lack of faith in his abilities. While this may seem obvious to some, it can be challenging for parents who have had to be hands-on for so long.
I’ve worked hard to guide Max to become a respectful and contributing member of our household. I’ve read books about helping kids with ADHD thrive and maintained high expectations for his behavior and schoolwork. When I was strict in the earlier years, it was because I believed in his potential even when he didn’t. Now, he recognizes his capabilities, and I need to stop overseeing every detail.
As I observe him stalling in the mornings, rather than reminding him of the tasks left to complete, I ask, “What do you need to do next?” This approach encourages him to think critically about his actions rather than feeling like he is under constant scrutiny.
Letting go can be tough, but I’m learning that sometimes I don’t always know what’s best. It’s crucial to allow him to try, learn, and even fail on his own terms. He has his ambitions, and it’s time he starts to create his own rules.
As relationship expert Sarah Lee points out, “Motivation doesn’t come from you through them. You can’t make anyone care about anything. But you can help them believe that they have what it takes to create success on their own terms.”
It’s a challenging but vital transition I’m learning to navigate.
For additional insights, check out this related article on home insemination and visit WomensHealth.gov for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re looking for more information on parenting and family dynamics, Make A Mom offers valuable resources that can help.
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In summary, empowering my ADHD teen by allowing him to take control of his schedule has made our mornings smoother and strengthened his confidence. It’s a vital step towards fostering independence as he prepares for adulthood.