When we think of the 1940s, World War II instantly comes to mind, even if we didn’t live through it. After the war ended in 1945, Americans shifted their focus to everyday life, embracing trends like finger waves and the Victory Roll. Tupperware became a household staple, and in 1948, George de Mestral unveiled his game-changing invention, Velcro. It was also the year Lillian Eichler Watson’s influential etiquette guide, “The Standard Book of Etiquette,” first published in 1921, was re-released, setting a high standard for social conduct.
While much has changed since the 1940s, the idea of politeness remains constant. However, as society evolves, so does our understanding of what it means to be polite—Watson’s views, reflecting her time, often missed the mark on inclusivity. Here’s a closer look at her advice and its relevance today:
“Question: Is it bad form for a woman to knit while listening to a lecture? Answer: It is discourteous to the lecturer.” (p. 433)
Watson emphasized that knitting could distract from listening. However, we’ve seen public figures like Olympic diver Jamie Lane knitting during events, showing that it can actually help some people focus. This modern perspective highlights a gap in Watson’s understanding of neurodiversity.
“In a well-managed household, the telephone is always answered by a responsible person: never by a maid who cannot speak the language well, nor by a small child who knows only a few half-intelligible words.” (p. 365)
While Watson’s advice on responsible phone answering is valid, her assumptions about household roles and language barriers reflect a dated mindset. Today, anyone should feel empowered to answer the phone, regardless of their background or ability.
“Sometimes there is an awkward pause between strangers who have just been introduced… Make some remark that graciously opens the way to easy conversation…” (p. 20)
Watson encouraged us to fill silence with casual conversation, a notion that still holds true. In today’s world, we can discuss anything from pop culture to quirky interests, making those awkward pauses opportunities for connection.
“Next to good taste and sincerity, the most important factor in guiding your choice of Christmas cards should be suitability…” (p. 333)
Watson advised against sending frivolous cards to those suffering from illness. Consideration is always key, but it’s essential to find joy in the season without making anyone feel excluded or reminded of their struggles.
“Remember that unselfish, considerate behavior is the outstanding quality of a well-liked guest…” (p. 36-37)
Watson highlighted the importance of being a thoughtful guest, a timeless principle. Whether visiting friends or neighbors, kindness and empathy remain essential qualities.
“Question: Do men still carry a cane when they wear full dress? Answer: Only if they wish; there is no firm rule about it.” (p. 360)
Watson’s take on men’s fashion reflects the classic style of her time. Today, personal expression through fashion is celebrated, and individuals can choose accessories that suit their personality.
Watson’s “The Standard Book of Etiquette” reminds us that while good manners may evolve, the effort to maintain them is timeless. Though she may not have foreseen the vibrant and diverse world we inhabit today, her foundational principles still resonate. Rest easy, Lillian Eichler Watson; your legacy in etiquette lives on, perhaps with a bit more inclusivity than you envisioned.
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In summary, Lillian Watson’s 1948 etiquette manual serves as a fascinating reflection of past social norms and highlights how our understanding of good manners has evolved over time. From knitting during lectures to the inclusivity of our conversations, it’s clear that while the core values of politeness endure, our interpretations can and should change.