The situation is as bleak as it sounds. I know there are many families out there facing a similar dilemma—one partner believes in science and chooses to get vaccinated for the sake of their family, while the other refuses for reasons that seem selfish.
My partner and I usually share the same core beliefs, so I was taken aback when he declared he wouldn’t receive the COVID vaccine, citing distrust in the government and theories of a vast conspiracy. When I asked him how he could believe in such a conspiracy, especially since the pandemic is a global issue with the same vaccines available universally, he had no explanation. Instead, he was indignant about my requests for him to:
- Justify his decision with credible scientific evidence.
- Get vaccinated to protect our four young children, who are not eligible for the vaccine.
Despite discussions with our pediatrician, who recommended he get vaccinated for the safety of our kids, he remained unyielding. His family members joined in, expressing their disappointment and concern for both his wellbeing and that of his children. His own great-grandmother had succumbed to COVID-19 before we had vaccines available. The disappointment from his parents was palpable, and I shared in that frustration.
Caught in a whirlwind of emotions, I began contemplating drastic measures. Should he move out? Would separation be necessary? Or should I take the kids and stay with my parents, issuing him an ultimatum? Logically, I needed to devise a plan. I love him and want to maintain our marriage, but this was seriously jeopardizing our family’s safety.
He was required to go into his office twice a week. He was supposed to wear a mask and maintain distance, but could I truly trust his judgment after this?
Then he caught a “cold.” A test confirmed it was COVID-19. As his symptoms worsened—high fever, body aches, and breathing difficulties—I panicked about our children. He isolated himself, and in my rage, I had to juggle calls to doctors and tests for our kids while caring for four little ones, all while trying to keep them from exposure. The challenges were overwhelming.
All of our children eventually tested positive or began showing symptoms. I am currently symptom-free but awaiting results to check for any asymptomatic cases. The stress of being the sole caretaker for a sick husband and four kids is taking its toll.
My husband has visited the ER twice, and now we are doing daily virtual check-ins with his doctor. The situation is precarious, and I’m filled with fear about what might happen next.
I am furious that he has put us through such turmoil, and I worry constantly about his health. My mind races with thoughts of him ending up on a ventilator or worse. It’s a grim reality I have to push aside to care for my kids.
Here’s how my children are coping:
- Child 1 (10 years old): Handling it relatively well, but experiencing bad cold-like symptoms, difficulty sleeping, and body aches.
- Child 2 (8 years old): Having respiratory issues, and I’m keeping a close eye on him, monitoring his fever and breathing.
- Child 3 (6.5 years old): Experiencing intense sinus problems and fluctuating fevers, making me anxious.
- Child 4 (3 years old): Exhibiting a mix of symptoms, including coughing and fever, and has required medical attention.
I’m constantly monitoring their health, writing down vital signs, and ensuring they stay hydrated. The anxiety is overwhelming, and I am filled with rage. My partner brought this virus into our home. I did everything possible to protect our family for over a year—keeping the kids home from school, avoiding playdates, and balancing work while managing their schooling.
If anything were to happen to one of my kids, I don’t even want to think about the consequences. He would deeply regret his choices.
I am taking care of him, ensuring he has his medications and monitoring his condition, but looking at him fills me with resentment. Right now, my compassion is reserved for my children, who didn’t ask for this situation. Their father failed to protect them, and the weight of that betrayal is heavy.
I haven’t thought about what our future looks like after this. I’m focused on getting through each day, ensuring my children are safe and recovering. I’m effectively part of their medical team, working with their doctors to prioritize their health.
As for our marriage, I cannot ignore the breach of trust. He knowingly endangered our children, and I will never be able to forget that. Even if he expresses regret, it may not be enough to mend the damage done.
I hope others learn from our experience and act to prevent similar situations in their families and relationships.
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Summary: The author shares a harrowing account of navigating family illness after her husband refused the COVID-19 vaccine. Tensions rise as the family grapples with illness, and feelings of anger and betrayal emerge, particularly regarding their children’s health. The narrative highlights the struggle of balancing caregiving for a sick spouse and four children while dealing with the emotional toll of the situation.