I always sensed something unique about my child long before a formal diagnosis. Her exuberant leaps onto the sofa, frequent tumbles to the ground, and her insatiable curiosity to touch everything in sight during shopping trips were clear indicators. While her love for sensory experiences shone through, even the slightest noise could send her spiraling into distress, with her hands clamped over her ears as she cried. And let’s not forget her incredible energy—she literally bounces off the walls.
When we finally received her diagnoses, what some might dismiss as mere “labels,” we viewed as validation of our observations. We embraced the term neurodiverse to describe her, and the medical confirmation felt like a weight lifted from our shoulders. Now we could seek the appropriate support to help her navigate the world. Unfortunately, not everyone in our circle shared that understanding. Some relatives and friends remain in denial, resisting the reality of her needs at every turn.
I vividly recall the moment I excitedly shared with a close friend, who also has a neurodiverse child but without a diagnosis, that I was eager to start therapies for my daughter. I explained how the school would be modifying her IEP to ensure she had equal access to learning alongside her peers. I was thrilled to present my list of necessary accommodations, which included preferential seating and tools like fidget toys and noise-canceling headphones. However, her response was shocking. “The world won’t bend to her,” she said. “You can’t expect everyone to make exceptions.”
I was taken aback. Accommodations are not exceptions—they are essential adjustments designed to help children thrive. I realized that this friend, despite her own struggles, was not a source of support.
Responses from family members were even more disheartening. My in-laws would brush off my concerns, saying things like, “All kids are active!” or “She just needs to focus.” One relative, a retired teacher, claimed she wouldn’t tolerate such “disrespect” from a child (as if a sensory meltdown was about defiance). Another suggested a “good spanking” might correct her behavior, mistaking a lack of understanding for discipline.
Some friends proposed unrealistic solutions, like enrolling my daughter in karate, as if physical activity alone could alter her brain chemistry. I had to remind them that conditions like ADHD are not a result of poor discipline and cannot be “fixed” through conventional means.
I’ve learned to address these conversations swiftly. If someone approaches with empathy and experience, I’m open to dialogue. However, I have no interest in unsolicited advice from those who lack understanding. Focusing solely on the challenges our child faces blinds them to her unique strengths and joys.
It’s disheartening to see how some relatives cling to outdated perceptions about disabilities. For us, the diagnoses are a gift, offering a foundation upon which we can build understanding and growth. There’s nothing inherently wrong with our child; her additional needs are opportunities for adaptation and learning. I embrace her fully, rather than trying to reshape her into someone she’s not.
Every decision we make as parents is informed by our education on her specific needs and circumstances. It’s exhausting to feel constantly defensive, especially when parenting a neurodiverse child is already a challenge. We often find ourselves battling misunderstandings from those who are supposed to support us.
I’ve worked hard to provide education to our relatives and friends, correcting their misconceptions along the way. I refuse to let my child feel shame about her needs. We accept her wholeheartedly, and I trust that, in time, our loved ones will come to do the same. Sometimes, I want to shout, “You’re the one with the issue, not my child!” Though that wouldn’t be productive, it would certainly feel good.
Our priority is helping our child flourish, and we will continue to stand firm against any negativity. Parenting my child is a privilege, and I won’t let naysayers diminish the joy we find in our journey.
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