Reuniting with my mom after a year of isolation (and after we were both vaccinated) was a whirlwind of emotions. The joy of hugging her again, cooking for her, and watching her interact with my kids brought tears to my eyes. After months of only seeing her from a distance, it felt miraculous to enjoy simple moments together again.
While I anticipated feelings of joy and gratitude, I was unprepared for the onslaught of diet culture and entrenched fatphobia that came with our reunion. My mom, in her 70s, grew up in an era where women were expected to be thin or constantly dieting. Her own mother was among the first to attend Weight Watchers, and I recall my mom frequently being on some form of diet during my childhood, even selling Herbalife at one point in the ’80s.
Though I’ve always been aware of her fixation on weight, a year away from it all made me more sensitive to these issues. With the pandemic dominating our lives, my focus had shifted to more pressing concerns—like ensuring my mom stayed healthy throughout a crisis that was particularly dangerous for her demographic. As I immersed myself in body positivity and intuitive eating during this time, the contrast was stark.
When I finally sat down with her to share a home-cooked meal, I was taken aback by her comments. While she praised the food, she repeatedly worried about eating too much. Then, when I presented a small cake my kids had chosen, she took a couple of bites before pushing it away, exclaiming, “Get this away from me! I’ll get fat!”
I understood her intentions weren’t malicious, but this isn’t the environment I want for my children. In our household, we avoid labeling food as “good” or “bad.” Sure, my kids understand that broccoli is healthier than cake, but we aim for a healthy relationship with food that doesn’t involve guilt or shame. The last thing I want is for them to internalize negative body comments, especially from family members.
I should have waited until after dinner to address it, but I couldn’t contain my frustration. I made it clear that I didn’t want her discussing “being fat” in front of my kids. Although she didn’t fully grasp my concerns, she acknowledged my request with a simple, “Okay, sorry,” and changed the subject.
However, during our next visit, she again mentioned her pandemic weight gain and her dieting efforts, expressing how she needed to be careful about what she ate. I was shocked by the frequency of these comments. Was it the time spent in lockdown that heightened her focus on weight? Or had I simply not noticed it as much before?
Regardless, this is becoming an issue that I need to address. I’m not sure if it’s possible to change the mindset of a 70-year-old, but I’m determined to help her understand the harmful nature of her thoughts about weight. I want her to appreciate her body and health, particularly after the challenging year we’ve just endured.
This moment feels like a crucial opportunity to reflect on what truly matters in life and move away from the constraints of diet culture. Most importantly, I will not allow this kind of talk around my kids. My priority is their mental well-being, and my patience for harmful rhetoric is running thin.
I hope these realizations about my mom’s fatphobia can serve as a mutual learning experience. I want her to embrace body positivity and develop a healthier relationship with food. But one thing is for sure: any negative comments about weight or bodies will not be tolerated in my home.
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In summary, my reunion with my mom after lockdown highlighted her fatphobia, something I never realized would affect my children. I’m determined to address this issue and foster a healthier environment for my family.