Many of us have that one friend who has been there through thick and thin — the one who stood by you when you were awkward and insecure, the one who prevented you from spending a lonely summer while everyone else was having fun. I certainly do. Two years ago, she and her family relocated from New York City to London, planning to return each summer for a month-long visit.
Then the pandemic hit, and their visits were put on hold. Thankfully, with vaccines and testing, they were finally able to return this summer. However, summer flew by, and with only a few days left in New York, we had only managed to meet once. There were no hard feelings between us; she had a whirlwind of family and friends to catch up with, and I was busy rebuilding my life after losing my husband three years ago.
When she suggested I come into the city for a day together, my body instinctively reacted with anxiety. My initial response was a firm “no.” I expressed my desire to see her, but the thought of venturing into the city triggered my anxiety. In the past, I might have concocted an excuse, but I decided to be honest instead. After a moment, I told her I would think it over.
Anxiety often drives me to say “no,” a tendency that has intensified since becoming a young widow. I’ve learned the hard way that life can be unpredictable and that the more joy you embrace, the greater the potential loss when it’s taken away. Staying within my comfort zone feels safe, yet I’ve also learned to give myself grace for every “no” that comes from fear.
I spent the evening reflecting on my decision. If I didn’t seize this chance, it could be another year before I saw her again. Regret is something I’ve become all too familiar with, and it’s a heavy burden that doesn’t easily lift.
I began to address each reason for my anxiety. First, there was transportation. Typically, I would take public transit, but this time I needed to drive. Yes, driving in New York City is quite an adventure, but I reminded myself that I had navigated it before.
Next was the traffic. I could choose to leave after the morning rush hour and avoid the worst of it. Even if I did get caught in congestion, it wouldn’t be catastrophic; my kids wouldn’t be waiting for me, and I could manage a delay.
Then came the daunting prospect of parking. The thought alone made me uneasy. Yet, I considered the option of paying for a parking lot, treating it as a worthwhile investment for a long-overdue visit.
Finally, I confronted the biggest hurdle: stepping outside my comfort zone into the city. While familiarity breeds a false sense of control, I realized that discomfort is a part of life, no matter where I am.
Ultimately, I asked myself: when the day was over, would I regret not going? I called my friend and said “yes.”
The journey was anything but smooth. Just moments after hitting the highway, a torrential downpour hit, turning visibility into a challenge. Navigating city traffic added to the stress, but despite the hurdles, I spent precious time with a dear friend, enjoyed lunch outdoors, and shared stories that had been lost over two years of only texting and phone calls. It was a day that rejuvenated my spirit.
While I don’t expect to suddenly say “yes” more than “no,” this experience reminded me that my anxiety doesn’t always know what’s best for me. And for the record, my dog was thrilled with the extra treat and long walk I gave her when I returned home.
For more insights on navigating life’s challenges and opportunities, check out this other blog post about self-care and growth.