Trigger warning: disordered eating, anorexia, fatphobia
Let’s get real: I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum. I was once clinically obese, then battled anorexia, and ultimately I fit into a size 2. Trust me, shopping for a size 2x is just as tough as hunting for a size 2. I’ve seen rolls and I’ve seen ribs. I’ve hiked mountains comfortably at a larger size, and I’ve cried because I couldn’t do it when I was thinner. This clearly shows that body size doesn’t equate to capability (think about that, ableist folks). I know firsthand the pain of body shaming; I’ve faced criticism for my weight no matter where I fell on the scale. But as I lost weight, I uncovered a crucial truth: fat shaming and skinny shaming are not the same.
Skinny Shaming vs. Fat Shaming
Sometimes people comment on my weight, joking that I weigh as much as my large German Shepherd. I’ve been told I look “gaunt” and urged to eat more. Once, when I mentioned losing weight after being sick, my family’s disapproving glares made me wish I could disappear under the dinner table. They even pointed out that my young nephew outweighs me.
This skinny shaming feels trivial; it’s just a few awkward moments. In stores, cashiers smile at me. Walking downtown, men check me out and hold doors open. When I mention my fatigue, doctors investigate my iron and thyroid levels because I’m petite. Ordering dessert doesn’t draw judgment; it’s assumed I need the calories.
When I was heavier, smiles were scarce. If you’ve never been fat, you can’t fathom the constant, creeping humiliation society heaps upon you. While walking as a fat person, eyes avoid you or dart away, as if you’re an embarrassment for simply existing. Doors seem designed to hit you. Doctors dismiss every ailment as weight-related: tired? You’re fat. Achy? You’re fat. Depressed? Of course, you are; you’re fat. Enjoying dessert? Expect side-eye from someone judging your choices.
See the difference? Now that I’m smaller, society deems me more deserving of kindness, care, and attention compared to fat individuals. Yes, skinny shaming stings, but I recognize that the world is fundamentally designed for thinner, able-bodied people. In contrast, when I faced fat shaming, I stepped into a world that viewed me as little more than an obstacle, worsening my feelings of inadequacy.
There’s no equivalency between fat shaming and skinny shaming.
An Important Note to Slim Individuals
Fat shaming is harmful. Nobody should feel uncomfortable in their own skin, and no one should ever be criticized based on their body size or shape. For those who are slim, there are appropriate ways to respond to fat shaming: express sympathy, show rage, and, above all, affirm the worthiness of all body types. Remind those who are shamed that everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, and every body is a good body.
It’s not acceptable to follow a conversation about fat shaming with, “I know how you feel,” and then share your experiences of being skinny shamed. While both are forms of body shaming, they aren’t the same. Skinny individuals often take on romantic leads, while fat individuals are typically cast in secondary roles. Society celebrates one while relegating the other to a lesser status.
Skinny individuals enjoy certain privileges. If you’re slim, society has handed you a bizarre achievement: who hasn’t heard about weight-loss goals? Slim bodies dominate our media. Meanwhile, fat people grapple with the stigma of simply existing. They often become targets for jokes that depict them as lazy or overindulgent. Being labeled as fat is often met with disdain, while being called skinny might elicit gratitude.
That’s the crux of the distinction between fat shaming and skinny shaming. I often hesitate to share my experiences with skinny shaming because they can come off as bragging. Consider this: “Eat a cheeseburger, skinny-minnie,” versus “Stop eating, you’re fat.” Both shame eating habits and body size, but they are not equivalent.
Fat individuals don’t want to hear about your experiences with skinny shaming.
The Reality of Body Shaming
While all forms of body shaming are damaging, they do not carry the same weight in our society, which tends to favor certain body types over others. If you wish to discuss your experiences with skinny shaming, do so in a space that is separate from conversations about fat shaming. Both are valid, but they carry different implications. I can walk away from skinny shaming, but fat individuals cannot escape the societal stigma attached to their bodies.
Every body is a good body. All body shaming is harmful. However, when fat individuals share their experiences, it’s essential for those who are slim to refrain from comparing their experiences.
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Summary
This article explores the differences between skinny shaming and fat shaming, emphasizing that while both forms of body shaming are harmful, they are not equivalent. The author shares personal experiences to illustrate how society treats individuals differently based on their body size and how these experiences shape perceptions of self-worth.