4 Sacrifices I Made to Become a Better Parent

1. I Stopped Chasing ‘Mom Friends’

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“Have you found any new ‘mom friends’ yet?” was a question I faced constantly during my son’s first year. I had heard that local mothers’ groups could lead to lifelong friendships, but they just didn’t resonate with me. What I observed were a bunch of nervous, insecure parents, each trying to navigate their own parenting journey while measuring themselves against one another. So, I opted out of those groups. Instead, I took to the playground, attempting to connect with other moms—an intimidating task for an introvert like me.

I decided to ease the pressure of friendship and, instead, concentrated on forming a bond with my baby. I dedicated time to simply getting to know him—through walks, playtime, and feeding—allowing myself to be fully present and nurture our attachment. While I still wanted to learn from others, I sought information and online communities that aligned with my parenting values, which ultimately boosted my confidence as a parent. From there, making new mom friends felt effortless and organic.

2. I Let Go of Rigid Schedules

From the moment children arrive, we’re bombarded with milestone charts, feeding schedules, and sleep routines. Initially, these frameworks satisfied my organizational instincts, but they quickly fell apart. My baby had no interest in following any set schedules, revealing how unrealistic societal expectations can be. I shifted my approach to align with my child’s unique developmental rhythm, creating a parenting style that doesn’t conform to conventional timelines. My journey now includes:

Extended breastfeeding (three years and counting)
Not rushing him into independent sleep
Potty training when he was ready, rather than on a convenient timeline
Prioritizing his needs over my social calendar

This unconventional approach has presented its own challenges but has made me a happier parent.

3. I Stopped Worrying About Screen Time

I once vowed, “I won’t let my child watch TV when I become a parent.” Oh, how naive I was! Despite my best efforts to limit screen exposure, as my son grew more active, my ability to care for him without screens dwindled. He started watching TV just before his second birthday, which introduced a wave of parental guilt. While many parents know the potential downsides of excessive screen time, as the primary caregiver to a spirited little boy without family support, I eventually surrendered my worries.

I began to view screens as a helpful tool for parenting. I established some flexible guidelines for screen use, such as:

Keeping screen time at home, preferring TV over smaller devices
Limiting it to a maximum of one hour per day
Choosing age-appropriate shows
Co-viewing whenever possible
Following up with an engaging activity or game to facilitate a smooth transition back to play

This shift helped me release the guilt of being a “screen-free parent” and embrace a more balanced “screen-lite parent” approach, making me feel more relaxed and at ease.

4. I Let Go of My Own Parenting History

We don’t receive a manual when we start parenting; instead, we inherit the styles we experienced as children. My upbringing, rooted in the ‘80s, taught me to be “seen and not heard,” with an emphasis on “good” behavior. It would’ve been easy to replicate this traditional approach, especially since authoritarian parenting remains prevalent today. However, I felt compelled to forge a different path.

Embracing gentle parenting has required significant conscious effort. As someone who values control, learning to respect my son’s age-appropriate behaviors and focusing on my responses didn’t come easily. It can be challenging, especially when I encounter emotions I was discouraged from expressing as a child. Yet this mindful parenting has fostered tremendous personal growth. My parents did their best given their circumstances, and choosing a different route is not a critique of my upbringing; rather, it’s an empowering step towards becoming my authentic self in motherhood.

By letting go of these four things, I’ve evolved into a more present, confident, and unapologetic parent.

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Summary:

In my journey to becoming a better parent, I learned to prioritize my relationship with my child over societal expectations, let go of rigid schedules, embrace screens as a helpful parenting tool, and redefine my parenting style away from my childhood experiences. These sacrifices have transformed me into a more confident and mindful parent.