I often go weeks without seeing one of my closest friends. She lives just down the street, yet our busy schedules rarely align. Our conversations typically go like this:
Me: Hey, can you grab lunch on Friday?
Her: I have a meeting about an hour away, but I could do something later around 2?
Me: I can’t do that; I have to pick up my kids from their dad’s and they have orthodontist appointments. Are you free this weekend? Maybe coffee on Saturday or Sunday?
Her: Could you do dinner on Saturday? My kids have lacrosse games all weekend.
Me: I can’t do that — it’s date night and we made reservations.
Her: Okay, let’s try again next week. Things should be calmer then.
And so the cycle continues. The next week, I found myself swamped with commitments and couldn’t manage to fit anything in. However, I did manage to drop off her favorite chocolate and peanut butter bars on her doorstep while running errands.
When a mutual friend invited us to an exercise class last Saturday morning, we were relieved our schedules lined up for that hour, knowing our families would be asleep. We worked out and then caught up in the parking lot, sharing tears and sweaty hugs as we discussed the challenges of life.
This wasn’t glamorous. We weren’t enjoying a posh brunch in stylish outfits like they do on “Sex and the City.” But it was meaningful enough.
As we hurried off, we planned to meet for lunch, which I’m confident we’ll accomplish before the year ends. However, it will require some planning. Shopping trips together are a distant dream, and our Friday nights don’t resemble the coffee-filled escapades of “Friends.”
While I love binge-watching “Friends” and “Sex and the City,” there are times I’ve finished several episodes and felt my own friendships were lacking. In reality, they’re not lacking; they’re just different. Real friendships involve scheduling phone calls and often canceling plans because life gets in the way after becoming a parent. Some days, the thought of socializing requires more energy than I have to offer.
The truth is, while shows like “Friends,” “The Golden Girls,” and “Sex and the City” bring joy, they paint a picture that is far from realistic. When you have kids, a full-time job, and the desire for sleep, there’s little energy or time left for friends. They can’t be your priority or be available multiple times a week, and they don’t live right around the corner with endless free time.
As adults, we often get caught up in our own lives and understand that we want to connect, but figuring out when is another challenge. The friendships we see on TV create an illusion that we can have effortless, fun connections without putting in work. In reality, friendships evolve; some fade away, while others require consistent effort to maintain.
Making new friends or finding your tribe as an adult isn’t straightforward. That’s just how it is. So, the next time you find yourself wondering where your Rachel or Miranda is, remember that true friendships don’t mirror those portrayed on screen. Enjoy the shows and keep looking for opportunities to connect with friends, even if it’s just a quick ten-minute catch-up in the McDonald’s parking lot.
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In summary, adult friendships may not resemble those depicted in popular television shows, but they are still valuable and meaningful. Navigating these relationships requires effort, understanding, and occasional flexibility.