Welcome to Home Insemination Kit’s advice section, where we tackle all your questions surrounding life, love, relationships, and everything in between. This week, we address a dilemma faced by someone happily married who finds themselves drawn to an old crush.
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
Before I dive into my situation, here’s a little context: My partner and I have been together for 13 years, and I believe he would agree that our marriage is strong and filled with love. I’m currently pregnant with our fourth child, due in the fall.
Recently, I’ve developed a significant crush on a high school friend. We’ve been connected on social media for years, but over the past six months, we’ve been chatting more frequently through direct messages. It all started when he commented on a picture I posted of my kids, and from there, our conversations took off. We talk all the time now, sharing laughs, deep discussions, and inside jokes. While we haven’t crossed any physical boundaries, we both sense that our emotional bond has grown closer, making us uneasy about how our spouses would react if they knew.
So, what do I do now? I don’t want to leave my husband, but I also can’t imagine cutting off contact with this friend. We both acknowledge that our emotional connection is strong, which feels inappropriate for two people in committed relationships. We live nearby, and I suspect if I weren’t so pregnant, we might have already met up. While I can’t predict what might happen, I know I don’t want to take any risks while carrying my husband’s child!
I realize this isn’t a healthy foundation for any relationship. It would likely lead to disappointment. But my mind often drifts in his direction. I also can’t fathom keeping this secret for years; that seems both exhausting and unfair to my wonderful husband. I’m hesitant to confide in my friends, as they know both him and his wife.
Here’s my advice in a nutshell:
If you wouldn’t engage in this behavior in front of your spouse, it’s best to avoid it altogether.
I know that’s not what you want to hear, but having a crush can be exhilarating. After being with the same person for so long, it’s easy to lose that initial spark. Rediscovering it, even with someone else, can feel intoxicating. However, marriage is not always a romantic fairy tale, and life’s responsibilities often dull the excitement.
This crush is likely more about how he makes you feel than who he is as a person. His attention boosts your confidence, reminding you that you’re still desirable, even during pregnancy. But you’re right in recognizing that this isn’t a solid foundation for any relationship. Your husband likely made you feel that way at some point too. Pursuing this crush could mean sacrificing your established life with your husband for something uncertain that could eventually morph into a similar routine.
Your feelings are valid and natural, but acting on them would be unfair to your husband and your friend’s wife. Your marriage may lack the thrill you’re feeling now, but it’s built on shared history, children, and mutual goals. Boredom is not a justifiable reason to jeopardize a marriage.
Take some time to appreciate the qualities you love about your husband, especially when it’s easy to focus on his flaws. Right now, you’re only seeing the best sides of your crush — the charming, witty persona presented online — not the mundane aspects of everyday life.
Redirect your energy from this online relationship to yourself and your family. Focus on preparing for your new baby and remember the reasons you fell in love with your husband. The current situation isn’t fair to anyone involved and can only lead to more stress if it continues. If you feel cutting contact completely would drive you to obsess, consider just following him on social media and engaging minimally, ensuring it remains discreet.
You’ve been happily married for a long time, and that’s something to cherish. Is it worth risking for a fleeting crush? It’s time to nourish your own relationship rather than longing for what seems greener on the other side.
For more insights on emotional relationships and parenting, check out this related blog post and see what experts say at this resource. Additionally, Medical News Today offers excellent information on fertility and pregnancy that might help you navigate this challenging time.