Let’s take a moment to discuss the issue of staring. My son, Ethan, frequently attracts attention due to his wheelchair and unique appearance. Ever since his diagnosis five years ago, we’ve encountered countless curious gazes. During the pandemic, when we stayed home more, I forgot how prevalent this was. Now that we’re out and about again, I’m reminded that Ethan doesn’t look like every other child.
I don’t believe people stare out of malice; rather, I think their intentions are often rooted in curiosity, concern, or even compassion. I try to smile and not let it affect me—or Ethan—for that matter.
Young children, in particular, tend to stare. They are simply curious and often want to know if Ethan can join in their play, which is heartwarming. However, there are times when the staring crosses into uncomfortable territory.
Just yesterday, we visited a local store to escape the heat. I was juggling a bag of snacks and drinks while maneuvering Ethan’s wheelchair with one hand. My daughter, Mia, was with us, equally burdened with items we didn’t actually need. As we turned a corner, I noticed a young girl, around twelve years old, staring at Ethan with an expression of profound sadness. I smiled at her, and she said, “I love kids with special needs.”
For a moment, I was taken aback. How did she know Ethan had special needs? I glanced at him and recognized how others might see him: flushed cheeks, uncoordinated movements, and of course, the wheelchair. Trying to respond, I awkwardly said, “Thank you?” What else can you say in such a moment? (In hindsight, I thought of a much funnier comeback: “You should get one!” I find humor helps navigate uncomfortable situations).
While I understand what she was trying to convey—support for a child facing challenges—her phrasing felt off, almost like someone saying they love a cute puppy.
Over time, I’ve come to understand the complexities of having a child in a demographic that many find hard to relate to. A friend recently shared that some people are more comfortable greeting her dog than her daughter. It’s an awkward reality. Sometimes, I can see the moment a stranger realizes Ethan isn’t in his wheelchair due to laziness. The brief panic as they decide how to respond is often followed by a smile, which is perfectly acceptable. However, occasionally, their gaze lands on me, and I find myself returning the stare.
So, what should a well-meaning person do when encountering someone like Ethan? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, here are my thoughts:
- Say Hello: A simple “Hi” with a smile or a wave goes a long way. If you’re wearing a mask, thank you for protecting my son!
- Gauge the Situation: If you’re curious and the parent seems open to discussion, feel free to ask questions. However, if they appear busy or rushed, it’s best to hold your thoughts.
- Choose Your Words Wisely: If you want to express support, remember to speak about the individual rather than their disability. A compliment like “He’s adorable” can be much more meaningful.
- Avoid Staring: If you do find yourself staring and I catch you, be prepared for a silly joke—trust me, we’ll all laugh about it.
Ethan is undeniably adorable, and I understand why people might stare. The wide-eyed looks and awkward comments are natural human responses. However, let’s embrace the discomfort and transform it into understanding. Ethan isn’t staying indoors, so the next time you see him, how about a friendly high-five?
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Summary:
In this article, Taylor Greene shares her experiences as a mother of a child with special needs, offering insights on how to engage positively with families like hers. She emphasizes the importance of kindness and understanding in social interactions, suggesting simple greetings and thoughtful conversations as alternatives to staring. Taylor encourages readers to embrace the awkwardness that sometimes accompanies these situations and to view children with disabilities as individuals worthy of respect and connection.