For as long as I can remember, I’ve rocked my hair in a messy bun. I love how it looks, but more importantly, there’s nothing quite like coming home, taking off my bra, and throwing my hair up in that carefree style.
A few months into my new relationship, I discovered that my boyfriend wasn’t fond of the messy bun. He didn’t say it outright, but during a show, I mentioned how I thought the lead character looked better with her hair up and no makeup. While he agreed about the makeup, he casually noted his dislike for buns. His opinion didn’t faze me one bit, and he continues to see me in my messy bun all the time. I never even asked if he liked it on me—because, honestly, I love it, and that’s all that matters.
I also get Botox and fillers. I started this after we began dating, and it brings me a ton of joy. He’s made comments like, “Why do you do that? You’re already beautiful,” which is sweet, but if I’m honest, my boyfriend really needs to get his eyes checked. He squints at his phone and often leaves his glasses in the car, so I read the menu for him.
This is my body and my face; if I want to change something, I will, regardless of his thoughts. He knows this and stays silent when I wear my hair in a messy bun or when he notices the bruising from the injections that help me feel like a better version of myself.
I’ve heard from friends about how their partners criticize their looks or dictate their clothing choices. Some have even faced silence from their husbands after getting lip fillers, with comments like they “ruined themselves.” Others go through major surgeries, like mommy makeovers, because their spouses want them to.
My sister once dated a guy who insisted she dress a certain way and even grow out her armpit hair—changes she didn’t want to make, but did for him. A high school friend in NYC mentioned men scheduling various procedures for their wives after childbirth.
No. Being in a relationship does not strip away your autonomy. I’ve never understood women who keep their long hair just because their partners prefer it that way. I vividly recall my dad telling my mom not to cut her hair when they were married, and as soon as they divorced, she chopped it all off. He even tried to control my hairstyle when I was in junior high, and I wasn’t allowed to have the cut I desired. That only fueled my desire to grow up and make my own choices about my body.
People are individuals. We should wear what we want, style our hair as we please, and ditch the razors if we choose. If your partner tries to micromanage your appearance, it’s time to reevaluate.
It’s exhausting to be with someone who makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Your individuality matters, and there are plenty of people out there who will appreciate you for who you are. Wear what you want, eat what you want, and groom your body as you see fit. Always prioritize your authentic self over someone else’s unrealistic standards.
Because no matter how hard you try, individuals like that will never be satisfied. You’re better off without them.
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Summary
In a relationship, it’s crucial to maintain autonomy over your own body and appearance, regardless of your partner’s preferences. True happiness comes from doing what feels right for you, not conforming to someone else’s standards. Embrace your individuality and prioritize your own happiness.