I once lived the life of a stay-at-home mom for over thirteen years, and it was everything I dreamed of. When I got pregnant and walked out of my job on my final day, balloons and flowers in hand, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I never imagined I’d want to return to the workforce.
Fast forward over a decade, and I found that being a mother alone wasn’t fulfilling enough. I volunteered at my kids’ school; it still didn’t satisfy me. I picked up running; yet I craved more. I discussed my feelings with my then-husband, trying to navigate my role in the family, which revolved around handling the kids, social activities, cooking, cleaning, appointments, and pets. I had taken on these responsibilities while home with the kids because he was busy with his business.
There were many times I questioned whether I should just remain in my current role. After all, I was fortunate enough not to have to work. Who would manage everything I did if I took on a job?
Now, I’m a full-time remote worker and still struggle with the guilt of transitioning from a more available mother to one with a structured work schedule and deadlines. I’ve worked tirelessly to reintegrate into the workforce, often saying yes to commitments I couldn’t handle—overwhelming myself in the process. For a long time, I held myself to the same standards I had as a stay-at-home mom. I felt like I was drowning, and it’s a topic rarely discussed, especially by those who seem to manage it all effortlessly.
This lifestyle is not sustainable for me, and it certainly isn’t beneficial for my children, especially when I find myself snapping at them due to being overwhelmed.
Recently, I came across an article in Elle featuring Audrey Mason, co-host of NPR’s All Things Considered, who shared her experiences with motherhood. She talked about becoming a mother later in her career and how people warned her she’d struggle with the demands of her job. Despite becoming a mom, she didn’t want to slow down in her career.
“The truth is I still wanted to do those things, even when I couldn’t. It caused an identity crisis, as I wasn’t ready to let go of my ambitions,” Mason said. She noted how seeing her colleagues advance while she was at home with her kids prompted her to adjust her expectations. She found herself overwhelmed by trying to keep up with social media demands to further her career. “At the end of my work day, I just want a glass of wine and some peace, not to be active on Clubhouse,” she shared.
Many of us aspire to embody the “Supermom” ideal, juggling everything to show that motherhood doesn’t hinder us. But why do we do this? Mason learned that this mindset wasn’t conducive to her well-being. After taking on too much post-motherhood, she experienced significant stress and health issues. “I was trying to prove that I could still handle it all, and I want to caution others against that,” she cautioned.
This is a common struggle for many mothers; in the effort to keep up, we risk losing ourselves. Mason expressed that when we appear capable of managing everything, others will expect more from us.
It’s crucial for us as mothers to prioritize what’s best for our families and ourselves, regardless of outside perceptions. Mason’s advice resonates: “No one is going to check in to see if you need help; the onus is on you to set boundaries. Ambition is great, but you have to be the one to decide when enough is enough.”
When we take on responsibilities alone, those around us—including employers—assume we’re handling it all and won’t offer assistance. Before we know it, we’re overwhelmed and on the verge of burnout.
This wisdom is invaluable for moms trying to balance everything. We must abandon the notion that we have to prove motherhood doesn’t slow us down. Motherhood naturally shifts our priorities, and there’s no shame in that. If you’re a mother grappling with this challenge, it’s perfectly okay to say no and focus on your mental health. Because when mom isn’t content, nobody is.
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In summary, Audrey Mason’s reflections on motherhood resonate with many working moms, highlighting the importance of prioritizing mental health and setting boundaries. Her insights encourage mothers to embrace the changes motherhood brings without feeling the need to prove their capabilities to others.