I’ve never shared my pronouns with anyone before. I realized this recently while responding to an email from an editor who includes her pronouns in her signature. Why have I never done the same? I’ve come to understand that I enjoy what’s known as pronoun privilege.
I identify as “she” and “her,” and when I’m out in public, younger employees often address me as ma’am, which honestly makes me feel a bit old. A friend of my daughter even addressed me as Mrs. Thompson just recently. Society typically aligns my appearance with these pronouns and titles, allowing me the privilege of not needing to correct others or feel uncomfortable about it.
Regrettably, I’ve misgendered others several times in the past year. On my first day meeting a new coworker, I greeted them with a cheerful, “Hey, lady!” only to be corrected that their preferred pronouns are they/them. I felt embarrassed that I made such a quick assumption, especially when trying to leave a good impression at my new workplace. But here’s the crucial point: it’s not about me.
That’s the essence of privilege. It can make you unaware of others’ needs because you mistakenly believe that your experiences are universal. Unfortunately, we know this isn’t the case.
A glance through the news reveals striking statistics: trans youth face alarmingly high rates of suicide. The rights of the LGBTQ community are perpetually at risk. There are numerous threats and injustices, with few instances of true equity. While pronoun privilege might seem trivial in the grand scheme, misidentifying someone’s pronouns is a form of microaggression. My education on anti-racism has shown me that even minor aggressions can have significant impacts. Words carry weight.
I have not previously included my pronouns in my email signatures, social media bios, or writings because I enjoy the benefit of the doubt. I fit the societal norms associated with my pronouns, so I don’t often feel the need to correct people. This is a freedom not shared by many.
Reflecting on this, I recall my time as a college writing instructor. I used to emphasize the importance of using “they” and “them” for singular references, urging my students to avoid defaulting to plural forms. Times have changed, and “they” or “them” are now valid pronoun options. I admit it’s been challenging for me to shift my thinking. However, my teaching background does not grant me permission to cling to outdated views. Just because something has been accepted does not mean it should remain unchallenged. We must be open to learning and evolving for the sake of others’ well-being.
If you misgender someone, a simple and sincere apology can go a long way. Accept corrections gracefully when someone points out a mistake. It’s perfectly okay to ask for someone’s pronouns or how they prefer to be addressed. By sharing your own pronouns, you’re not only respecting theirs, but also fostering a sense of solidarity.
Finding pronoun usage confusing is fine; embracing difference is essential. What is unacceptable is ignoring someone’s preferred pronouns, misgendering, and failing to apologize. There’s no harm in using the correct pronouns, and your willingness to correct yourself can significantly impact how that person feels. Ultimately, it’s about respecting one another.
Consider the toll repeated misgendering takes on an individual’s mental health, compounded by harassment, policy debates, and a lack of protections.
We should also rethink assumptions like calling someone’s child a “son” or “daughter.” This may not be the same as misgendering, but it highlights how assumptions can create issues for families. Perhaps we should even reconsider gender reveal parties altogether (I know this might stir some debate).
I have a habit of saying “Hey, guys” to everyone, which I recognize as a work in progress. Part of this growth involves acknowledging my pronoun privilege and being clear about my pronouns—not for myself, but to show I respect others’ identities.
I can’t even swear that I haven’t made mistakes in this article. The journey of learning is ongoing. If you’re not learning, you might unintentionally cause harm. I believe that most people strive to be decent; being our best often means adapting for the well-being of others.
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In summary, recognizing and respecting pronouns is crucial for fostering inclusive environments. It’s important to challenge our assumptions and embrace learning as a lifelong process.