Can you do self-insemination at home ?
Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit advice column, where our team of “experts” tackles all your questions about life, love, relationships, and more. This week, we’re addressing a situation that might leave you feeling uneasy: What should you do when your partner has a crush that makes you uncomfortable?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My husband recently admitted that he has a crush on our older, single neighbor. We don’t know her well beyond exchanging pleasantries when we see each other outside, but he says he’s been sexually fantasizing about her. He felt compelled to share this with me because he feels “guilty” about how frequently he thinks about her. The neighbor is completely unaware of this, and has never given him any indication that she feels the same way. I know it’s not her fault, but this situation is making me really uncomfortable and upset. Honestly, I would’ve preferred not knowing and letting him keep his fantasies to himself. We’ve been happily married for 13 years and have a vibrant (3+ times a week) sex life that has always seemed fulfilling. We can’t just move away, and he’s clearly not going to approach this poor woman, but how do I process this information?
Um. blink blink
I totally understand why this is unsettling for you. Hearing that your spouse is fantasizing about someone else can be jarring, especially when that someone is a person you see regularly in your neighborhood. While having sexual fantasies is normal, the fact that this involves someone nearby can feel different compared to fantasizing about a celebrity he’ll never meet. The priority here is ensuring that he’s respectful and leaves her alone, especially since she has no idea and hasn’t encouraged his thoughts.
Telling him not to think about her won’t solve the issue. Just like if I were to say “don’t think about doughnuts,” that’s probably the first thing on your mind now. Instead of suppressing those thoughts, he might benefit from shifting his focus. A study published in Evolution and Human Behavior indicates that thinking of a current partner—especially recalling moments of love and connection—can help redirect thoughts about someone else. Love, it seems, has a more powerful draw than mere sexual desire.
Your husband’s crush isn’t necessarily a sign of trouble, but it may be a good time to reflect on any underlying issues that could be causing him to feel restless or unsatisfied. His guilt over confessing to you suggests this is weighing on him significantly. Counseling can be beneficial even in strong marriages, so if that’s an option, it might be worth exploring. After all, gaining a deeper understanding of each other and your relationship can only help.
Here’s hoping your husband’s thoughts about the neighbor soon shift to whether she was the one whose dog did its business on your lawn.
For even more insights, check out one of our other posts here. For authoritative information, you can visit intracervicalinsemination.com, as they provide valuable resources on this topic. Additionally, March of Dimes is an excellent resource for anyone considering pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Navigating a situation where your spouse has a crush on someone nearby can be challenging. It’s important to approach the matter with open communication, focusing on understanding underlying feelings and maintaining respect for the other person involved. Encouraging your partner to reflect on your relationship and possibly seeking counseling can be beneficial.