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Most young girls internalize two damaging lessons as they grow up: their bodies are equated with their self-worth, and they must safeguard themselves against male attention. We instruct our daughters on how to dress appropriately to evade unwanted looks, avoid walking alone at night, and protect themselves from potential harm. As a young woman, I’ve encountered catcalls and navigated unwanted advances. I’ve heard comments about my clothing choices, been told to cover up in warm weather, and advised to keep my drink close to avoid being drugged. While these lessons may have taught me to be cautious, they fell short of addressing the need to educate boys on not objectifying or harming women. When we frame girls solely as victims, we ignore the broader issue of toxic masculinity and its role in perpetuating gender-based violence and unrealistic body standards.
As a mother to a young boy, I’ve developed strategies to help him break free from these harmful norms. I cringe at the thought of another cartoon character proclaiming that “boys are stronger” or portraying girls as vain. As a body image expert and parent to a six-year-old son and a three-year-old daughter, I find it crucial to use every learning opportunity that arises from media, peers, and school to instill values of respect and tolerance in my children. It’s better to engage in these conversations during their formative years rather than waiting until they’re teenagers or adults facing the consequences of ingrained stereotypes.
I actively encourage my children to question gender norms and challenge misinformation. For instance, why does Superman wear pants while Wonder Woman is in a skirt? I also seek out positive role models and influences to make these discussions enjoyable. In our progressive home, we allow our son to play with dolls, wear pink, and paint his nails. However, I remind him that not everyone will accept these choices. When he shared that a friend criticized his pink shirt, I reminded him that preferences vary, and he shouldn’t feel pressured to conform. Teaching children respect for different opinions while modeling positive behavior—like avoiding negative comments about bodies—is essential to nurturing empathy and acceptance.
Phrases like “Boys will be boys” or “He just likes her” in response to harmful actions teach boys that aggression is acceptable while conditioning girls to accept mistreatment. As they grow older, hurtful remarks escalate, reinforcing toxic masculinity. It’s vital to teach boys to advocate for women and confront disrespectful behavior. My parents taught me to use humor to diffuse tense situations, and I often employ a direct approach to encourage open dialogue.
Toxic masculinity thrives when men remain silent about the objectification of women. Casual comments about girls’ bodies reinforce misogynistic standards and contribute to a culture of bullying. We must emphasize that appearance does not define worth and encourage empathy in boys so they see girls as individuals rather than objects. Encourage your children to stand against bullying and support those targeted by derogatory comments. When boys empathize with girls facing objectification, they become allies in the fight against toxic masculinity.
I vividly recall the catcalls I received as a pre-teen, which I mistakenly viewed as flattering at the time. Now, I understand they were inappropriate and predatory. As boys mature, it’s crucial to reinforce that objectifying behaviors—like whistling or making sexual jokes—are unacceptable. Girls and women existing in their bodies deserve respect, and they should not be seen merely as objects for male desire. Boys often learn about sexual standards from the media and pornography, which portray unrealistic depictions of bodies and intimacy. Although it may feel uncomfortable, it’s essential to discuss the performative nature of pornography, emphasizing that it typically prioritizes male pleasure and often involves violence against women. Maintain an ongoing dialogue with your children to ensure they are equipped to make informed decisions about consent and relationships.
By teaching boys empathy and allowing them to express their emotions, we can dismantle the stereotype that they must be tough and aggressive. This approach lays the foundation for healthier relationships and a positive body image.
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