Lessons Learned from Being Left Out by My Female Friends

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Recently, a group of women I consider “my circle” enjoyed a dinner and drinks outing without me. I woke up one morning to find numerous photos shared on social media, captioned “Girls’ Night!” They gathered around a large, inviting table, drinks in hand, all smiling brightly.

I did a quick mental tally of who attended and who didn’t. As I scrolled through images with captions like “Much needed!” and “Drinks with the girls!”, it became apparent that the “Let’s go out” invite had somehow bypassed me entirely. I simply wasn’t included.

My first response was a wave of sadness. It felt like being left out of a high school party, stirring up feelings of inadequacy reminiscent of a Queen Bee intent on making me feel unimportant. I almost typed a snarky comment on one of the photos—something like, “Thanks for the invite”—to let them know I was hurt. But then I stopped myself. We’re not in high school anymore; I’m 33.

I shared my feelings with my husband. He offered several reassurances to help me feel better: “You can’t be the only one not invited,” and “I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by it.” He even asked if I would have gone if invited, which was a valid point considering I’m nearly 30 weeks pregnant and probably wouldn’t have felt like going out anyway.

But that’s not the main issue, I argued. I wanted to feel included, regardless of my pregnancy fatigue. The absence of an invite felt like a clear sign that they didn’t want me there. Anger started to replace my sadness. “Forget those women! Next time, I know who I won’t be inviting to my events.”

My husband, ever the peacemaker, suggested I reach out to one of them for clarification. He assured me that I would receive a reasonable explanation that would alleviate my feelings of exclusion. Instead, I decided to let it simmer for a while. After all, I’ve learned over the years that jumping to conclusions and confronting people often leads to more misunderstandings.

I took a couple of weeks to reflect. I questioned if I had offended someone or if there was something in my life that had affected our friendship. I also thought about the ups and downs in my own life. Now that some time has passed, I can analyze this situation from a more rational standpoint rather than through the lens of a hormonal woman feeling slighted.

Yes, I want to be included by my friends, but not out of a sense of obligation or pity. I want to belong, but I also understand that fitting in isn’t always guaranteed. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt left out, and I know it won’t be the last. Plus, I’ve likely been on the other side of this situation myself at some point.

So, do my friends owe me an explanation for their oversight? I don’t believe they do. The truth is far simpler than that: I won’t always be everyone’s ideal companion. I can be a bit sarcastic, inappropriate at times, and overshare about my pregnancy. If they’re not in the mood for that, it’s perfectly fine! To be honest, I don’t always want to deal with everyone else’s quirks either. Does that make any of us “bad” friends? Absolutely not—it’s just part of being human.

And honestly, on those days when my friends aren’t in the mood for me, my husband is always there, ready to provide support and laughs. Ultimately, regardless of who is with whom, I’m okay. I hope my friends feel the same way, because we’re all adults, and I genuinely care about them.

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Summary

Feeling excluded by friends can evoke emotions that remind us of our school days. However, stepping back and reflecting on the situation reveals that not being included doesn’t diminish our worth. Friendships can ebb and flow, and understanding our own quirks can help us navigate these dynamics with grace.