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A few months back, as I was aimlessly browsing through TikTok, I stumbled upon a video featuring a charming plus-size woman sipping wine while critiquing the glaring absence of body diversity on ABC’s The Bachelor franchise. She began with a “bone to pick” and shared that despite being a long-time viewer, she had never seen anyone like her represented on the show. Her message resonated: the lack of plus-size representation perpetuates the stereotype that fat women can’t find love or experience a happily ever after.
Her vibrant and relatable personality drew me in, prompting me to explore more about her. The TikTok account belongs to a Chicago-based body positivity influencer named Jamie Hart and her “fat best friend,” social media manager Lily Brooks. Together, they host the podcast “Swipefat,” which delves into the intricacies of dating as a plus-size person.
Honestly, dating isn’t something that crosses my mind often. I’ve been married for years and met my husband when I was just eighteen. He was my first boyfriend, and that was that. However, there was something about Jamie and Lily’s TikTok that felt so inviting that I quickly found myself tuning into “Swipefat” on Apple Podcasts. Even though I’ve never navigated the dating scene, I found their content relatable as a plus-size woman, irrespective of my relationship status. I even felt a twinge of envy that they get to be friends in real life while I simply listen in. Jamie and Lily embody the honest, humorous “fat best friends” I wish I had.
Luckily, Jamie and Lily sat down with us to discuss their work, bodies, friendship, and the dating landscape in 2021.
On Jamie’s Motivation for That Viral Bachelor TikTok:
“We are slowly starting to see more representation in media, but reality TV is still lacking in diversity of bodies. How is that reflective of real life? It’s crucial to see yourself represented in those fairytales we all dream of. When you can’t visualize yourself in those scenarios, it becomes harder to believe in your own happy ending,” shares Jamie.
On Gaining Confidence While Living in Plus-Size Bodies:
“I’ve been plus-size for as long as I can remember. My background in radio meant I experienced public bullying, which left a mark on me,” Lily explains. “I lost weight, thinking it would solve my issues, but it didn’t. Eventually, I recognized that my worth wasn’t tied to my size, and I began to work on loving myself from within.”
“I wasn’t always confident,” Jamie admits. “I knew I had a great personality, but my body positivity journey began on Instagram. It’s rare to find a plus-size food blogger who shares their journey openly. The positive feedback encouraged me to embrace my body,” she laughs.
On Their Preference for the Term “Fat”:
“Just like you might describe someone as thin, why is ‘fat’ a bad word? Society has stigmatized it by associating it with negative traits like laziness or unhealthiness. This needs to change. You can be fat and healthy or thin and unhealthy,” Jamie explains. “Our straight-sized friends were shocked when we named our podcast ‘Swipefat,’ and even our parents were taken aback!” Lily adds with a chuckle.
On Dating as a Plus-Size Individual:
“Dating is tough for everyone, but being plus-size adds another layer of complexity. We often feel compelled to issue disclaimers about our bodies on dating profiles, even when we clearly show our appearance. We stress over our photos more than others might, fearing the dreaded disappointment when we show up. And then there’s the issue of being fetishized,” Lily notes. “It’s a lot to navigate,” Jamie sighs.
On How Rejection Can Be Beneficial:
“Rejection can be a teacher. The first time you face it, it’s often not as bad as you imagined. It builds resilience. Now, it’s about proving to the other person that they’re worth your time too. We forget that it’s a two-way street,” Jamie explains.
Advice for Dating as a Plus-Size Person:
- Just Take the Leap. Even if you’re anxious, “You have to start! The anticipation is often worse than the reality. Know your worth—you’re beautiful and have so much to offer beyond your appearance,” Lily advises.
- Craft Your Profile with Friends. Make it a fun night with drinks. “Having friends hype you up makes a difference,” Lily shares.
- Use Authentic Photos! “Select images that make you feel confident while still being true to yourself,” Jamie emphasizes. “This way, you won’t feel uncomfortable once the date arrives.”
In addition to their podcast, Jamie and Lily are also featured in a FreebieTV series called “Dating in the Modern Age,” which chronicles their experiences finding connections as plus-size women during the pandemic. They run a private Facebook group where plus-size women can share their dating experiences. “It’s heartwarming to see women asking for advice before their first dates,” Jamie beams.
Jamie Hart and Lily Brooks are remarkable women using their voices to remind plus-size individuals that they deserve love and quality relationships. “Being fat doesn’t diminish your worth in a relationship,” Lily concludes.
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Summary:
The Swipefat podcast, hosted by Jamie Hart and Lily Brooks, addresses the unique challenges of dating while plus-size. Their candid discussions encompass body positivity, the importance of representation in media, and personal anecdotes about navigating love and self-acceptance. They encourage listeners to embrace their worth and engage confidently in the dating world, providing valuable insights and a sense of community for those who feel underrepresented.