Can you do self-insemination at home ?
It was a three-hour drive from my home when I received a text from my 16-year-old daughter. “I think I’m going to that party tonight,” she messaged. “And if I do, I might drink.”
I fought to keep my composure. I was at a rustic retreat in the mountains with friends, just finishing dinner before heading back to our cabins. Meanwhile, my husband was out for the night, which meant I couldn’t ask him to keep Mia locked away in her room. We had discussed the party and the potential for alcohol a week prior to my trip, but I had conveniently tucked that conversation away until now.
Teenagers experimenting with alcohol and drugs is a well-known part of growing up. Most come through it without serious consequences. However, since the moment I found out I was pregnant with Mia, my only child, I promised myself I would do everything possible to keep her away from alcohol—ideally, for life. If that wasn’t feasible, I thought waiting until she was 21 was a reasonable target (ha!). At least by then, her brain would be more developed, and perhaps she’d have better impulse control.
You might see me as an overbearing mom. I admit it. But my concerns stem from a place of experience: my husband and I are both in recovery from alcoholism. Despite being sober for years, the shadow of addiction looms large in our family history. The fear that our daughter might inherit this urge kept me from starting a family until I was nearly too old. When Mia was born, I couldn’t shake the worry that along with our traits, she might also have inherited our genetic predisposition to alcohol abuse.
I had my first drink at 13, which quickly spiraled into a cycle of binge drinking. By the time I was Mia’s age, I was regularly getting blackout drunk. My friends moved on to college and careers, while I was left with a string of poor choices and dead-end jobs.
For a while, I thought that the best way to prevent Mia from making the same mistakes was to scare her away from alcohol. My tactics seemed effective when she was younger, as she would nod along to my rants against drinking.
But then high school happened. When her friends began to experiment, Mia recited my anti-drinking speeches, which led to her being ostracized. Eventually, she found new friends through her school’s drama program. I praised her for refusing alcohol at parties, but she often expressed feeling like an outsider. One day, as she prepared to go out, I launched into my usual warnings. This time, she snapped back.
“I’m only saying I don’t want to drink because I’ve been brainwashed by you! I might want to drink occasionally to fit in!” She reminded me how trustworthy she had always been, noting that she could easily lie to me like some of her peers had.
I recognized her point. While she isn’t perfect, dishonesty isn’t one of her flaws. Our relationship has always been strong, built on open communication about everything—drinking, boys, her aspirations, and fears. I felt fortunate to maintain this connection during a time when many teens start to distance themselves from their parents.
As much as I wish teen drinking didn’t exist, it does. I realized I didn’t want to alienate Mia by forcing my rigid beliefs on her. I needed to let her be herself and perhaps allow her the space to learn from her own experiences.
Back at the retreat, I replied to her message. “While I’d prefer you not to drink, I appreciate you telling me. Call me.”
Despite the poor cell reception, we laid out a plan for the night. I insisted she be home by 11:30, only ride with her friend’s dad, and to pace herself with just one drink. I told her I’d check in by text throughout the night and expected a quick reply.
To my surprise, she reached out first. “I think I’m tipsy,” she wrote.
I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. “How does it feel?” I responded.
“Kind of good, I suppose. Not super exciting.”
I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
A year has passed since that night. Mia doesn’t attend many parties, but when she does, she makes a conscious choice about drinking. We talk about it openly. She’s discovered that alcohol affects her more than she expected, and she often opts not to drink. She’s never gotten drunk, missed her curfew, or gotten into a car with someone who had been drinking.
We both understand that things may change in the future, especially with college and the potential for increased drinking. That thought terrifies me. However, if she ever finds herself struggling with alcohol, she knows she can come to me for support.
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