For nearly two years, I found myself distancing my family, not for my sake, but to shield my children from hurtful remarks. Initially, I avoided them due to their opinions on my two-mom family setup, which affected me deeply. As my son transitioned into his teenage years, the comments shifted to “He needs a man in the house” and later, remarks about my younger daughter’s weight. To protect my kids, I believed it was best to keep them at a distance.
The pandemic unwittingly made it easier to maintain this distance, allowing me to solidify boundaries regarding discussions about my children’s weight before they could lead to hurt feelings. Growing up in the same family, I experienced firsthand the impact of weight-related comments, which made me hyper-aware of my own body. Now, with my kids aged five and fourteen, it’s my responsibility to safeguard their mental and emotional health concerning their bodies and self-worth.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing boundaries with family can be challenging, but once set, they become easier to uphold. What our families say matters. My daughter, who is aware that her twin sister has a different body type, often questions her appearance, asking things like, “My belly is big, isn’t it?” or “Will you still love me if I can’t fit into that?” Her innocent inquiries break my heart. As her parents, we reassure her of her beauty and the importance of treating others kindly.
My son, on the other hand, faces a different set of comments. Tall and thin, he’s often told, “You need to put on some weight,” or “Look at those skinny legs.” Initially, I pressured him to eat more, fearing he might miss out on essential nutrients due to his sensory issues and medication that suppresses his appetite. However, I’ve learned to let him choose what feels right for his body.
The Importance of Support
Every child deserves love and support from their family. While my relatives may worry about my kids’ eating habits, it’s crucial to recognize the harmful effects of shaming, which can lead to anxiety and eating disorders. A psychologist noted that teasing children about their weight rarely motivates them to lose it and often causes more harm than good.
Instead of perpetuating shame, we should empower our children. When family members comment on my kids’ bodies, it’s essential to remind them to refrain from such discussions and allow the parents to handle it. The responsibility for their well-being rests with us, not with extended family.
The American Journal of Pediatrics endorses non-judgmental approaches in pediatric care, a principle that families can adopt as well. In a statement from December 2020, they emphasized the need to reduce weight bias and stigma among children.
Support is vital. For instance, my daughter’s pediatrician encouraged us to promote healthy eating while also fostering body positivity. His words made a significant impact on both my daughter and me, reinforcing that language matters.
My Role as a Mother
As a mother, it’s my duty to protect my daughter and set firm boundaries with my family regarding discussions about her weight. They may think they’re helping, but their comments often do more harm than good. Instead of focusing on her appearance, they should offer her love and encouragement, reminding her that she is so much more than just her body. I owe it to her to provide the protection I wished I had growing up.
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Summary
Protecting children from harmful comments about their weight is essential for their mental and emotional health. Establishing boundaries with family and promoting body positivity, rather than shame, can foster a supportive environment. Parents must advocate for their children’s well-being by addressing inappropriate remarks and encouraging love and acceptance.