Throughout my experience of navigating a tough breakup, one phrase echoed constantly: “You’ve got this!” Honestly, it drove me crazy — especially when I felt anything but capable. It’s easy for others to offer encouragement when they’re not in the thick of it, right? The whole “Put-It-All-Together-and-Fake-It” mindset? Snap a photo, show everyone how well you’re doing. Keep it together for the kids. Go find someone new!
We all understand that we’ll come out the other side of tough times. Eventually, we’ll adjust and find a new normal. Time does heal wounds, but waiting for that time to come while battling the pain? That’s the real challenge.
In a culture that promotes “walking it off,” we see countless books on the power of washing your face to feel better. This pressure makes us shove our sadness and anxiety deep down, where they twist and scream for attention. We lie to ourselves, insisting, “I’ve got this,” believing that a fresh outfit or a little movement will magically change our mindset to that of a “hot girl.”
I fell into that trap for a while. I thought pretending everything was okay would wash away my feelings, just like my face scrub washed away the day’s dirt. But we know that’s not how it actually works.
There are days I hop in my car, crank up the sad tunes, and let the tears flow. There are evenings I crawl into bed at 7 PM simply because I can’t face another minute of the day. There are times I leave texts unanswered, legs unshaven, and laundry untouched, just staring blankly out the window.
I refuse to spend my life suppressing my emotions. When we’re feeling fabulous, we act on it! We do our nails, hit the gym, dance around, buy that cute outfit, unleash our creativity, and tackle those long-overdue home projects. Yet when we’re feeling down, it’s all too easy to retreat to a corner with a bag of chips instead of engaging with the world.
Why do we feel the need to force ourselves into a peppy version of ourselves when we’re experiencing sadness? I’ve discovered that embracing my “sad girl” moments has been life-changing. Want to know why? Because when I allow myself to feel sad, anxious, or frustrated, I bounce back much quicker than if I keep pretending to be someone I’m not.
I regain my energy faster. I sleep better. I find it easier to forgive myself, which in turn helps me forgive others. When I give myself space to embrace sadness, I start to feel like my true self again.
Just recently, I cried all the way to the grocery store. When I arrived, I couldn’t muster the energy to step out of the car. I had no obvious reason to feel this way; it was just one of those days. Instead of forcing myself to go inside, I treated myself to a soda from my favorite fast food place and called my best friend for an hour-long chat. After that, I was ready to grab my groceries.
Not too long ago, I would have pushed myself to go inside, ignored my feelings, and ended up irritated, which would have affected my kids when I got home. By choosing to embrace my feelings instead of chasing after the “hot girl” ideal, I avoided a breakdown.
I’m not saying we should always give in to our emotions — sometimes, a little fresh air or makeup can lift our spirits. But we know when those things won’t make a difference and will only leave us feeling more exhausted.
Let’s normalize acknowledging that “hot girl” moments are just a sliver of our lives. Everyone has sad days, whether they admit it or not. Trust me, I’ve learned that allowing myself to feel my emotions instead of forcing a smile makes me a much happier person.
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