It’s been a wild year, hasn’t it? I’m feeling utterly drained, both physically and emotionally. Each day feels like a gamble, a toss-up between PMS, sheer exhaustion, the isolation from anyone outside my immediate family for what feels like 382 days (but who’s counting?), my all-carb diet, or just a general bad mood? Who can tell?
I usually find people to be pretty remarkable. Sure, there are exceptions, but I’ve always believed that most people are good most of the time. I still believe that, but wow, this past year has really put that to the test.
There have been days when I felt like I genuinely disliked everyone. A quick scroll through social media, a few news headlines, or even a chat with a friend can ignite a fire of frustration. I’ve found myself feeling anger towards everyone, even those I respect and truly care for. There’s been no clear reason either; just seeing cheerful photos of people hanging out without masks can send me into a rage. Posts about the dangers of in-person schooling make me want to cry (my kids have been back in school since January).
What happened? When did I become so disillusioned? I don’t want to feel this way. I truly appreciate people, for crying out loud.
The reality is, people can be incredibly inspiring and wonderful. But they can also be selfish and ignorant. Over this past year, many have revealed their true colors, and let’s just say, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Individuals I thought were genuinely nice turned out to hold prejudiced beliefs. Friends I viewed as educated and open-minded turned into anti-science conspiracy theorists, believing they know more than trained experts, all because they resist wearing masks.
During crises, people tend to show their real selves, and it hasn’t been pretty. Friendships have shifted, and I’ve lost respect for many. My faith in humanity has taken a hit.
That initial “we’re in this together” sentiment from the early pandemic days faded away rather quickly. It seems the collective attitude now is every person for themselves. This year has been riddled with shouting, blaming, and a whirlwind of confusion. Basic decisions, like whether to go grocery shopping or send kids to school, have been morally complex. For some, shopping is dangerous; for others, being overly cautious harms their family’s emotional health. If I let my kids play with friends outside but won’t let them enter someone’s home, am I too paranoid or too reckless? If I get vaccinated when I qualify, does that mean I’m doing the right thing, or am I being selfish for getting it before others who might need it more?
This constant second-guessing and judgment from all sides, including myself, is exhausting. It can really mess with your mind.
To be honest, I’ve never felt as lonely as I have over the past year. It wasn’t just the physical lack of social interaction outside my immediate family; it was the feeling that no one (other than my spouse, thank goodness) truly understands what I’m going through. I believe many of us have felt this way.
Regardless of how we’ve approached life during the pandemic, finding someone who aligns with your perspective has been nearly impossible. (And no, I’m not referring to anti-maskers—that’s a different conversation.) Among those of us taking the virus seriously and still being cautious, our thresholds for risk vary widely. While some were comfortable with in-person school, wearing masks all the time, others were fine with indoor family gatherings but hesitant to go grocery shopping. Some isolated strictly, while others embarked on cross-country road trips.
Navigating these differences has been emotionally and physically draining. Honestly, there were times I seriously considered packing up and living off the grid with a pack of dogs. Yeah, it’s been that intense.
But I refuse to succumb to that “people are the worst” mentality. I don’t want to harden my heart against humanity and forget that people can be truly enchanting—flawed, yes, but also remarkable. I don’t want to be filled with hatred. I don’t truly dislike everyone; I just despise the circumstances of this past year.
Fortunately, I’ve found some things that help keep me from feeling too irritable. For one, I remind myself that we’re all juggling unbearable stress and none of us are at our best right now. We all need grace. Binge-watching trashy TV helps (currently obsessed with “White Collar”). Plus, the usual stress-busters—like meditation, exercise, and fresh air—are effective too (who would’ve guessed?). And getting vaccinated? That’s been a blessing. (Halle-freaking-lujah!)
Ultimately, this year has been filled with impossible situations. There were no good options, only less terrible choices, and that can really mess you up. So if you’re feeling lonely and frustrated because everyone seems to suck, know that you’re not alone. These feelings will fade… I think… I hope. And if they don’t? Well, you might just find me off-grid in a cabin with a pack of dogs.
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Summary:
The past year has been a challenging test of patience and understanding for many, leading to feelings of frustration and isolation. While the pandemic has revealed both the best and worst in people, it’s essential to remember that we are all under immense stress. Seeking support and finding ways to cope can help alleviate these feelings.