My son, Max, was just eighteen months old when I began to suspect he might be autistic. Even from birth, he was distinctly different from his older brother. It took me a while to connect those differences to autism, especially since his traits are somewhat atypical. After much perseverance, we finally received the diagnosis right before his third birthday. I always knew him better than anyone else.
I felt proud of my advocacy for Max, but receiving the diagnosis triggered a whirlwind of emotions—not for the reasons you might expect. I wasn’t mourning the child I thought I would have or worrying about what his future might hold; I was simply overwhelmed by my own lack of knowledge. I didn’t know what he would need, and I questioned whether I was capable of being a good mom to a neurodivergent child.
I felt he deserved a mother who kept meticulous records of appointments and had a perfectly organized home filled with educational toys. Instead, he got me—a chaotic mom with a house cluttered with plastic dinosaurs and frozen dinners. He deserved a mom who wouldn’t forget appointments, and yet I once sent my older son to school in a costume because I mixed up the theme.
All I could promise was love and a commitment to learn, but would that be enough?
Since Max’s diagnosis, I’ve been careful about where I seek information on autism. I was astonished to discover the wealth of insights shared by autistic adults. Their willingness to advocate for autistic children has been one of the most enlightening aspects of my journey. If I had known this support existed, I might not have worried so much.
Recently, a social media user asked Lila Adams how she would react if her son were diagnosed with autism, similar to her husband, Alex. Her response resonated deeply with me: “I don’t see being on the spectrum as a negative thing. My husband is my favorite person. Am I supposed to wish my son isn’t like that?” YES! Thank you, Lila. The spectrum is filled with amazing, creative individuals whose contributions enrich our world in unimaginable ways.
When I tell people Max is autistic, I often encounter pity. “Oh, I’m sorry. He seems so normal!” Really? First of all, he is normal. The term “normal” is subjective. Max is exactly who he is meant to be. Second, he is under no obligation to fit into anyone’s idea of what being autistic should look like. And lastly, I don’t need your sympathy. I’m privileged to raise a remarkable, quirky boy who deserves a home where he is celebrated for who he is—not forced to conform to a neurotypical world.
I may find myself needing to cope with the everyday antics of his childhood, like the mud and grass he brings home, but I’ve never needed to cope with his autism. What he truly requires from me is the freedom to explore and grow at his own pace, and I can certainly provide that.
I understand that autism manifests differently in each individual. Max’s experience is not representative of every autistic person. Some parents may feel grief upon receiving a diagnosis, possibly due to influences from organizations that portray autism negatively. They might be worried about their child’s struggles. I recognize this complexity.
For me, there was nothing to cope with—only the honor of raising a child who continually teaches me as much as I teach him.
To learn more about supporting families like mine, check out this insightful article from the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network.
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Summary:
In this article, Jenna Thompson shares her journey as a mother of an autistic child named Max. She discusses her initial feelings of uncertainty and her realization that autism does not require pity but rather understanding and acceptance. Jenna emphasizes the importance of celebrating her son’s uniqueness and the support she has found in the autistic community. Ultimately, she conveys that parenting Max is a joy that comes with its own set of challenges, but she embraces the opportunity to learn from him.