It’s been a challenging year, hasn’t it? A seemingly endless stretch of change and uncertainty has taken its toll on our collective mental health. But what concerns me most are the moms grappling with long-standing perfectionism, who feel even more out of control this past year.
Perfectionism often stems from societal pressures and the instinct to fit in and feel secure. Our ancestors had to be hyper-aware of their surroundings to avoid danger, which has evolved into a tendency to catastrophize our current situations. Many of us are adept at identifying our shortcomings, fixating on potential failures, and imposing unrealistic standards on ourselves to feel adequate.
As mothers, we’ve been conditioned to follow the rules, prioritize everyone else’s needs, and maintain an image of perfection, all while trying to keep ourselves together. This pressure has intensified, especially during these unpredictable times.
The rules of the game have changed dramatically. Our routines and norms have been disrupted, making it difficult to adapt perfectly without guidance or support. Many moms are now engulfed in feelings of inadequacy, struggling to balance work-from-home demands while managing children’s needs in the background.
How can we care for our mental wellbeing when our usual outlets for stress relief have vanished? As we strive to meet the emotional, physical, and social needs of our children, we often neglect our own, leading to a cycle of frustration and unhealthy coping mechanisms. This has resulted in increased anxiety, depression, and a rise in substance use among women.
I empathize deeply with you, as I’ve experienced similar struggles. I’ve found myself drinking more, worrying excessively, and experiencing physical symptoms of stress I’d never felt before. Here are some strategies that have helped me and the incredible women I support:
- Acknowledge the Real Struggles: Let’s say it together: THIS IS HARD. It’s perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed during these unprecedented times.
- Practice Deep Breathing: Take ten deep breaths—inhale through your nose for five seconds, hold it, and exhale slowly. This simple act calms the nervous system and helps you feel more grounded.
- Embrace Self-Compassion: Recognize your perfectionist tendencies with kindness. You’re simply trying to navigate a tough situation.
- Be Intentional with Your Energy: Focus on what truly matters. Prioritize your core values and accept that you can’t excel in every area right now. Choose one or two things to devote your energy to, and allow yourself to be average in the rest.
- Shift Your Perspective: Acknowledge your feelings and then consciously choose to focus on what’s going well in your life. This positive mindset can lead to significant changes in your mental health over time.
As a fellow mom and recovering perfectionist, I understand the weight of these expectations. Perhaps this moment serves as a lesson from the universe, urging us to let go of unattainable ideals and reassess our priorities, putting ourselves at the forefront.
Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s essential to prioritize your own well-being, as this allows you to care for others more effectively. Embracing imperfection can be liberating.
If you’re looking for more insights, check out this blog post here, or explore expert resources like CDC’s guidelines on pregnancy and TikTok inspiration for support.