There are numerous subjects that I may not fully grasp, leaving me hesitant to engage meaningfully in those discussions. Rather than forging ahead with ignorance, I prefer to listen and expand my understanding. I acknowledge my uncertainties and can admit when I err, though that doesn’t eliminate the unease I feel while striving to approach certain topics correctly.
This discomfort shouldn’t deter anyone from striving to learn and improve. I’m actively working on how to discuss disability and recognize my own implicit biases related to ableism. It’s essential for me to have open, meaningful dialogues with my children about individuals with disabilities and provide thoughtful responses to their questions. Thankfully, there are many passionate advocates and individuals with disabilities who share their insights, ensuring that people like me have no excuses not to educate ourselves.
The first step for everyone is to become comfortable with and honor the language that individuals prefer to describe themselves. The terms “disabled” and “disability” often carry stigma. For too long, society has marginalized those who don’t conform to a so-called “normal” standard, including individuals from various backgrounds such as fat people, queer people, and BIPOC communities. Just as I, identifying as queer, have faced criticism for using that very term, I recognize that it is my truth. Instead of challenging their own biases, many expect me to change for their comfort. This is not how true allyship or respect functions when it comes to uplifting marginalized groups. The same applies to the word “disabled.”
As noted by The Inclusive Educator, “Using euphemisms to describe disability diminishes the discrimination disabled people face and the accessibility they continuously fight for; your discomfort with the terms ‘disability’ or ‘disabled’ is irrelevant if you are non-disabled.” This perspective is echoed in the work of Mia Johnson, a disability advocate and writer, in her recent book Understanding Disability. She emphasizes that terms like “special needs” or “differently abled” can actually dilute the struggle for recognition and accessibility faced by disabled individuals. Johnson points out that 15 percent of the global population is disabled, making them the largest minority group worldwide. Her book serves as a guide for fostering a more inclusive and accessible environment for people with disabilities.
When discussing allyship, Johnson asserts, “True allyship involves meaningful actions. Non-disabled parents can certainly be allies by committing to learn about disability from the perspectives of disabled individuals while ensuring their children do the same.”
It’s crucial to encourage kids to ask questions. Children are naturally curious, and it’s our duty as adults to respond positively without silencing or shaming the disabled community. If a child asks about a disabled person, Johnson advises rephrasing any potentially rude questions. For instance, if a child points and asks, “What’s wrong with her?”, adults can affirm the child’s curiosity while guiding them to be polite: “It looks like that person has a disability. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them; it’s just part of who they are.” If a question arises that you cannot answer, be honest about it and suggest learning together.
Emily Rivera, a writer and mother with a mobility impairment, emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the observation and taking cues from the disabled person if they are within earshot. “Often, disabled individuals are willing to discuss their disability with curious kids—but don’t put them on the spot,” she advises. It’s easy for adults to inadvertently render disabled people invisible by avoiding eye contact or interaction out of awkwardness. This behavior is dehumanizing and counterproductive.
Don’t wait for an encounter with a disabled person to reflect on the spaces you inhabit and their impact on others. Consider whether your surroundings are accessible to everyone. Who is present in the room, and why? Rivera reminds us that while everyone can benefit from a ramp, not everyone can navigate stairs. If only one option exists, why is it a staircase that serves only a fraction of the population? We must strive to ensure that everyone has equal access to opportunities.
Rivera recommends reading The Fish Who Couldn’t Dance by Alex Parker with your kids. This children’s story illustrates how well-meaning intentions can lead to the exclusion of friends based on arbitrary standards.
Disabled individuals do not require us to speak on their behalf or correct their feelings. They shouldn’t need to validate their existence to us. Instead, we must listen, learn, and improve our actions. While discomfort is a natural response, it’s important to embrace it in order to become the allies we aspire to be, ultimately contributing to a more equitable world for all.
Johnson reminds us, “We live in a society that has made it clear that our differences should make us uncomfortable, so actively challenging that mindset is essential.”
For more insights on related topics, check out this blog post, which delves into important discussions around inclusivity and understanding.
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of using respectful language when discussing disability, the need for open dialogue with children about disabilities, and the significance of allyship. It encourages adults to model positive behavior and to foster curiosity in children while learning from the experiences of disabled individuals.