My experiences with childhood abuse began in a seemingly normal family environment. My mother never physically harmed me, and while my father frequently lashed out with his brown leather belt, I didn’t recognize him as an abuser at the time. He was a product of the 1980s, and his anger felt like a reflection of that era’s parenting norms. However, after entering therapy in the summer of 2020, following my mother’s death, I was forced to confront the traumatic memories that had long been buried. This awakening brought forth the realization that I had been a victim of mental, physical, and emotional abuse from both my parents.
Growing up in Florida during the 1980s, I was part of what many would describe as a “good” family. We lived in a gated community with a big backyard, a pool, and a picture-perfect facade. Yet, between my fifth and sixth birthdays, something shifted. I transitioned from a carefree child who loved to sing and dance to a quiet, withdrawn version of myself. The innocence of my early years was shattered, leaving me voiceless and burdened by years of silent suffering.
You might wonder how I can be certain of my abuse despite not remembering specific incidents. Trauma often obscures memories, leaving behind only feelings and sensations tied to those moments. While I can’t recall every detail, I do remember significant parts of my childhood, including the emotional and verbal abuse I endured. I was often called names, made to feel worthless, and exposed in ways that left lasting scars.
Statistics show that approximately 1 in 7 children in the U.S. will experience child abuse each year. Many people assume that abuse is solely physical, characterized by visible injuries like broken bones. However, neglect is the most prevalent form of abuse, followed by physical and emotional mistreatment. My experience included various forms of abuse: my father was physically aggressive, while my mother engaged in manipulation and neglect. After my father passed away, I was left to fend for myself, subjected to verbal attacks that deeply affected my emotional development.
The impact of this abuse has been profound. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and often seek approval from others, while simultaneously feeling unsafe in their presence. Despite these challenges, I am actively working on my healing journey. With the support of a psychologist and psychiatrist, I am reclaiming my narrative and learning to navigate my trauma through methods like EMDR therapy.
Every day, I remind myself that I am enough, even when self-doubt creeps in. My therapist emphasizes the importance of positive affirmations, reminding me that my brain absorbs the words I say. While the journey has been difficult, I refuse to see myself solely as a victim. Instead, I embrace my identity as a survivor and a thriver, determined to overcome my past.
For more insights on trauma and healing, you can read one of our other blog posts here. For those seeking authoritative information, check out this resource on this topic or visit womenshealth.gov for excellent guidance on pregnancy and home insemination.
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In summary, my journey from victimhood to survival has been paved with challenges and realizations. The process of healing is ongoing, but with each step, I am reclaiming my life and redefining my identity.