I’ve noticed the phrase “kindness is always possible” popping up everywhere—on social media, T-shirts, tote bags, and even mugs. Phrases like “choose kindness” and “spread kindness” resonate deeply, promoting love and empathy. However, the notion that kindness is universally achievable is, in reality, problematic. Some individuals simply do not merit your decency, respect, or support.
Allow me to elaborate. I am a determined and resilient individual, dedicated to providing for my family and myself, consistently producing numerous articles each week. As a proud member of the LGBTQ community, I embrace who I am. Unfortunately, not everyone shares this sentiment. Some people judge me based on my gender, my political beliefs as a progressive Democrat, or my sexual orientation.
While I can tolerate judgment and name-calling, what I cannot accept are those who actively seek to undermine my rights. Individuals who vote for representatives that threaten my livelihood and well-being are not worthy of my kindness.
You might think I should engage with them, share my experiences, or “kill them with kindness.” But why should I expend my emotional energy on those who oppose my very existence? Instead, I focus on combating ignorance and intolerance. Forcing myself to be kind to those who harbor hate doesn’t serve a purpose.
As noted in an article on Learning for Justice, while teaching kindness is essential, it should not overshadow the importance of teaching justice. When we emphasize kindness without addressing inequality, we risk glossing over vital differences in how people experience the world.
Moreover, constantly prioritizing kindness can harm your mental health. According to Psychology Today, always being the “nice guy” can lead to self-criticism and burnout. Those who overextend their kindness may find themselves in unhealthy relationships, often compromising their own needs and desires in favor of others.
What Should You Do Instead?
Approach discussions with unkind individuals with firmness and transparency. Engage in fact-based conversations or choose to disengage entirely; not everyone deserves your energy. Set boundaries and remember that kindness does not mean being a doormat. Your mental well-being should take precedence over extending grace to those who don’t respect you. As the saying goes, respect is earned, and the same applies to kindness. Don’t sacrifice your own well-being for others.
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In summary, while the idea of universal kindness is appealing, it’s essential to recognize that not everyone deserves it. Prioritize your mental health, establish boundaries, and engage with empathy where it is warranted.