Like countless others, I found myself gaining weight during the quarantine period. To be honest, I started this journey lighter than usual for reasons unrelated to any dieting efforts. I deal with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which can be a real challenge to manage. When my PCOS is under control, I tend to lose weight, but when it flares up, my weight increases. Interestingly, my pregnancies have always led to significant weight loss, as PCOS symptoms seem to disappear during that time. It seems that understanding weight is quite complex, and the notion that individuals with larger bodies simply need to eat salads is misguided!
When COVID-19 emerged, I was at one of my lowest weights in years because of my newborn. However, I grappled with my feelings surrounding that weight loss. Frustratingly, I felt more valued and attractive at a smaller size. It’s not that I don’t want my body to change; I naturally lost weight due to life circumstances, and my body deserves to evolve as my life does. I don’t particularly wish to be heavier either. However, I have invested years in untangling my self-worth from my weight, and it has been a struggle not to revert to old habits. If I allow myself to feel more beautiful and worthy when I lose weight, I am bound to feel less so when the scale tips the other way. I cannot let my weight dictate my appreciation for my body, as that would lead to heartbreak once again.
For an entire year, my family has been as cautious as possible regarding COVID-19. This meant we spent most of our time at home. I focused on numerous aspects of life, but my body size was not one of them. For various reasons, my weight has shifted. I am currently heavier than I was a year ago and have returned to my typical size.
Having grown up surrounded by diet culture, I won’t lie: seeing the numbers on the scale rise was initially disheartening. Every pound gained felt like a step away from the “ideal” thinness. Yet, I refused to dwell in that space of comparison and disappointment because that’s not where I reside anymore. I want to emphasize that the effort I’ve put into separating my body’s size from my intrinsic worth has been incredibly rewarding.
Through this journey, I’ve come to realize that I carry emotional scars from my childhood that shape my perception of my body. It’s vital for me to acknowledge that my body was fine back then, even when others said it wasn’t, and it remains perfectly adequate now, irrespective of societal programming. In the past, I mistakenly equated the feeling of hunger with morality, thinking that the longer I went without food, the better I was as a person, especially as a woman. That mindset is harmful. It’s essential to remember that hunger signals my body’s need for nourishment, and yes, even those of us in larger bodies deserve to eat when we are hungry. During a pandemic, responding to hunger cues is just a short walk to the kitchen away, and it’s perfectly normal to meet that need more readily than when life was busier.
I’m also aware that the constant barrage of negative messages about larger bodies has instilled a fear of gaining weight within me, leading to concerns about being viewed as a failure or unattractive. I need to remind myself that my worth and beauty are not tied to my ability to shrink my body to fit an often-changing and unattainable ideal.
Recently, I had a doctor’s appointment for a non-weight-related issue. When the nurse called me, I asked if we could skip the scale that day. I was aware of my weight gain since my last visit and wanted to avoid discussing it on a day I was already feeling anxious about my health. Thankfully, she agreed. When I met with my doctor, she inquired about my well-being, examined me, and checked in on my anxiety. She didn’t mention my weight. I began to explain my reluctance to step on the scale, but she held up her hand and said, “Stop. You don’t need to explain. I’m not concerned about your weight today. You don’t smoke, drink, or have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes. You have three kids and have been home with them for a year. If you came in with a health issue and started discussing your diet, I would tell you to stop worrying about that. Focus on what’s important right now. If you want to lose weight, you can tackle that when life is a bit more normal.”
This experience reinforced the idea that accepting changes in our bodies during such an unprecedented time is not only a good approach—it’s also what healthcare professionals recommend. If you’ve gained a few pounds during the pandemic, you’re certainly not alone, and you deserve to show yourself some kindness. Recognizing your body as a dynamic entity that adjusts to your circumstances offers a sense of freedom. Your evolving body is a testament to your vitality! So, you’ve put on some weight; who really cares? A fuller figure is not a sign of weakness or failure; it signifies that, even amid a global crisis, you prioritized nourishing your body. Many beloved individuals have been lost to this pandemic, which has claimed over two and a half million lives globally. But you are still here. It’s perfectly acceptable if you have a bit more of you present in the world than a year ago.
And I’m genuinely grateful to acknowledge that it’s okay for me to have a little more of me, too.
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post, and for authoritative information, visit this resource. Additionally, WebMD provides excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.
Relevant Search Queries
- How to manage weight during quarantine
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Summary
The article discusses the personal journey of gaining weight during quarantine and the lessons learned about self-worth and body image. It emphasizes the importance of separating one’s value from body size and highlights the need for self-compassion and acceptance during challenging times. The author shares an empowering experience with a healthcare provider that reinforces the significance of focusing on overall health rather than weight alone.