For nearly two years, I’ve been sidestepping family gatherings, not because of my own discomfort, but out of concern for my children. Initially, I distanced myself due to their views on my two-mom family dynamic, which affected me more than I care to admit. As my teenager matured, I began hearing remarks like, “He needs a man in the house,” and later, comments regarding my younger child’s weight gain. To protect my kids, I thought it best to minimize our interactions.
The pandemic made it easier to maintain this distance and halted the ongoing efforts I had been making to set boundaries with my family—especially concerning weight discussions about my children and myself. I grew up in an environment where my weight and eating habits were constantly scrutinized, and I knew I had to shield my kids from that same experience. While I understand that my family loves us, their comments have always made me hyper-aware of body image issues. Now, with my kids aged five and 14, it’s my responsibility to protect their mental and emotional well-being regarding their bodies and self-worth.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing family boundaries can be tough, but once set, they become easier to maintain. Words from family can have a powerful impact on both parents and children. My daughter, whose twin has a different body type, has already noticed at five years old that her physique is not the same. She often comes to us with heartbreaking questions like, “My belly is big, isn’t it?” or “Will you still love me if I can’t fit that?” As her parents, we reassure her that her beauty lies not in her appearance but in her kindness—how she treats others with love and compassion.
My son, on the other hand, is tall and thin, and he faces different kinds of comments, such as, “You never eat anything,” or “You need to gain some weight.” In the past, I pushed him to eat more, fearing he might miss out on essential nutrients due to his picky eating and medication-related appetite suppression. However, I’ve learned to let him eat what feels right for him.
All my children deserve love and support in every interaction with family. While my family worries about their eating habits, it’s crucial to remember that shaming can have lasting negative effects, from anxiety to eating disorders. Dr. Kahan, director of the National Center for Weight and Wellness, pointed out that individuals with obesity are often targets for stigma, and this is particularly painful when it comes from those who should love unconditionally.
The Impact of Shaming
We can’t predict our kids’ future health, but we understand the harmful impact that shaming can have today. According to Marlene Schwartz, a psychologist and director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, many parents mistakenly believe that teasing will motivate their children to lose weight. However, there is little evidence to support this and ample evidence that it can cause harm.
As adults, we have a choice to either support our children or harm them with our words. When family members make comments about our kids’ weight or bodies, we must remind them to refrain from these discussions and to let parents address these issues. Ultimately, the responsibility for our children lies with us, not their cousins, aunts, uncles, or grandparents.
The American Journal of Pediatrics advocates for a non-judgmental approach, which can be applied within families as well. Their December 2020 statement emphasized that pediatricians should advocate for reducing weight bias, which families should adopt too.
Supporting Our Children
Instead of resorting to shaming, let’s support our children. My daughter’s pediatrician did just that during one visit, advising me to encourage her to eat healthier while also loving her body. His words resonated deeply with both my daughter and me, highlighting the importance of positive affirmations from family.
As her mother, it’s my duty to defend my daughter and establish boundaries with my family regarding discussions about her weight. This is a conversation I will not engage in with them. While I know their intentions may be good, their comments can be detrimental. They need to understand that showering my daughter with love and positive affirmations like “you’re beautiful just the way you are” or “your smile lights up the room” will foster her self-esteem far more than any weight-related remarks ever could. In the end, I owe her the protection I didn’t receive during my own childhood.
Further Insights
For further insights, check out this blog post for more parenting advice, or explore this resource on essential topics for new parents. If you’re looking for information on pregnancy, Healthline offers excellent resources.
Search Queries
- How to Talk to Kids About Body Image
- Setting Boundaries with Family
- Promoting Healthy Eating in Children
- Understanding Weight Bias in Children
- The Importance of Body Positivity
Summary
This article discusses the author’s struggle to protect her daughter from family comments about her weight, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and fostering a positive body image. The author reflects on her own experiences with body shaming and the harmful effects it can have on children. By reinforcing messages of love and acceptance, she aims to shield her children from the negativity often perpetuated by family members.