2020 revealed many people’s true selves. It was also the year I, along with others, underwent a complete reevaluation of my life and the individuals in it. When juggling remote work, family safety, and the chaos of a global pandemic, there’s little tolerance left for negativity. This includes those who have shown their true colors.
In times of crisis, individuals often reveal their true nature. Thus, 2020 made it abundantly clear that being polite does not equate to being virtuous. Some individuals who appeared to be the “nicest” turned out to support harmful ideologies or behaviors. This realization has been, to put it mildly, profoundly unsettling. Parents of children my son once played with became advocates for harsh measures against educational institutions, and self-identified “good Christians” supported a figure whose actions were deeply troubling. It was shocking to see respected individuals reveal their hypocrisy and to encounter hostility from family members. It was frightening to witness so many ignore science and facts for the sake of their own comfort, putting others at risk in the process.
I have always believed that most people are fundamentally good, and while I still hold onto that belief, it’s clear that the “most” is fewer than I previously thought. I tend to be trusting and forgiving, especially during stressful times. We are all navigating uncharted waters and deserving of compassion. However, the events of the past year have been overwhelming. There’s only so much leniency one can afford before recognizing someone as merely selfish. I’ve learned that I have no energy left for selfish individuals.
The previous year has been a continual process of determining who I want in my life. Quarantines and heightened anxiety have strengthened some bonds while causing others to fade away. I’ve rekindled friendships with old classmates who share my values, even if we weren’t close before. Conversely, I’ve unfollowed countless individuals on social media.
Now, as we begin to see a glimmer of hope on the horizon, it’s essential to confront the fractured relationships that emerged during this time. How do we address the friendships that faded because of differing values? How do we handle family members who expressed their disdain openly on social media? Is it possible to overlook their true natures?
Honestly, I’m unsure if I can overlook what I’ve witnessed over the past year, nor do I think I want to. I don’t advocate for completely severing ties with those who differ in opinion; rather, this is about conflicting values. Since I aim to lead a fulfilling life, I have little space for those who hold opposing values.
We can still maintain a cordial relationship during school drop-offs or at the grocery store. We might engage in small talk about our kids or vacations. Over time, the intensity of emotions may diminish. However, deep down, we understand the truth of what we’ve seen.
Of course, people can change, and I rarely dismiss anyone entirely. I hold onto hope that those I once viewed as good-hearted will eventually align their actions with that perception. Nevertheless, when someone has caused significant harm—like refusing to wear a mask or supporting a harmful political figure—the threshold for forgiveness is high. I may harbor a flicker of hope, but I’m not holding my breath.
2020 was indeed a year of revelations, and once you’ve seen the truth, it’s challenging to unsee it.
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In summary, while the pandemic may not last forever, the impact it has had on our relationships may leave lasting marks. Navigating these changes requires reflection on values, trust, and the willingness to either mend or redefine connections in our lives.