Moms online often express their disdain for strangers at the grocery store who exclaim, “You’ve got your hands full!” The memes on this topic are endless and can be quite amusing. However, I have to admit that I somewhat agree with these unsolicited comments. Because, honestly, they’re spot on: I, along with many other mothers, truly have our hands full (even if it’s not always in the way they think).
Just yesterday, I was out walking my kids along the sandy path near our home (which sounds picturesque, except I had both my little ones with me, and it was the afternoon—definitely nap time). An older woman, accompanied by a rather ragged beagle, whom I had never met, paused, raised her eyebrows at my visibly pregnant belly, and said, “Girl, you’re brave.”
I could picture many moms on the internet having a field day with her comment. It felt somewhat intrusive and a bit rude. Surprisingly, I didn’t get upset; instead, I laughed. I even had a slight accident (though that’s not uncommon at this stage of my pregnancy). The woman smiled, gestured toward my stroller, and wished me “good luck” as she continued down the sidewalk.
I must admit, I kind of adore that woman because I envision myself being just like her in 30 years. Having two kids under four is indeed a whirlwind. My hands, pockets, and patience are definitely full, and soon, we’re “bravely” adding another child to the mix.
The Decision to Expand Our Family
Deciding to expand our family wasn’t a simple choice. My partner and I spent countless evenings discussing it for an entire year. As the stranger suggested, having a third child can be daunting. The risks of pregnancy are indeed frightening, alongside the financial responsibilities of three kids, and the sheer fact that I’ll be outnumbered whenever I venture out without my husband. But what truly terrifies me is the newborn stage—the first, and arguably the most adorable, part of parenting.
The newborn phase has never been my favorite. In fact, I disliked a certain sleep training expert long before it became trendy to do so, primarily because she promised her pricey course would help me “love the newborn phase.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
During my first pregnancy, I was consumed with worries about my baby’s health and the delivery process. The thought of giving birth felt so overwhelming that I struggled to foresee the days and weeks afterward. Like many new moms, I brought home a healthy baby only to be blindsided by challenges that no amount of classes or books had prepared me for.
In those initial weeks, I discovered just how debilitating true sleep deprivation could be. I was astonished by how much time my baby spent sleeping while I felt I accomplished so little. My body felt foreign, breastfeeding was a struggle, and I was overwhelmed by a rollercoaster of emotions. What shocked me the most was the sadness that lingered at the edge of every joyful moment. Even when I had all the reasons to be happy, I often felt a sense of gloom.
With my second child, the challenges multiplied. He slept even less, was sick more often, and what I initially dubbed the “baby blues” transformed into something darker. Although I had learned about the connection between my hormones and my emotional state, it was even harder to allow myself grace and space to process my feelings, especially with a daughter watching me closely.
Facing My Fears
As I prepare for baby number three, my worries remain: my baby’s health, the delivery, and all the uncertainties that come with it. But my greatest fear is experiencing sadness again while knowing my two little ones are observing me during this vulnerable time.
When that woman on the boardwalk called me “brave,” she may have meant it sarcastically. If my kids understood her comment, I might have felt compelled to clarify that they are not burdens, as she seemed to imply. They are, after all, my greatest blessings.
Yet, her words transported me to a future version of myself, late at night, trying to soothe a fussy newborn while my mind races with worries. I could envision afternoons filled with puzzles and laughter, interspersed with moments of overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t shake. I imagined chaotic family dinners where I struggled to focus on joyful stories while being consumed by fears of the night ahead.
Embracing the Journey
Despite my anxiety about this next postpartum phase, I’m also excited about what it signifies. My children have changed my life in incredible ways, and while I want to cherish the joyful moments, I recognize the importance of the tough ones too.
As my kids mature, they’ll inevitably face their own challenges and moments of struggle. Even if they don’t remember the early weeks after their brother is born, I hope my perseverance through difficult times serves as a lesson in resilience and bravery.
Soon enough, I’ll find myself navigating the grocery store with three noisy kids in tow when a stranger calls out, “You’ve got your hands full!” I won’t harbor any resentment. Partly because I won’t have the mental space for it, but mostly because they’ll be absolutely right. I truly will have my hands full, and I am profoundly grateful that I had the courage to choose this path.
Additional Resources
For more insights on pregnancy and parental experiences, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re interested in exploring more about the journey to motherhood, you can read this engaging blog post.
If you’re considering pregnancy, here are some search queries you might find helpful:
- Pregnancy tips
- Postpartum support
- Motherhood challenges
- Newborn care essentials
- Coping with baby blues
In summary, while the journey through motherhood can be tumultuous, it is filled with transformative experiences that shape us and our children. Embracing both the joys and challenges is what truly defines our bravery as parents.