I was chatting with my closest friend, and I could hear the distress in her voice. It was meant to be a joyful time in her life—she was engaged and planning her dream wedding—but instead, she was in tears, unable to eat, and visibly shaken.
The cause of her turmoil? Her fiancé was about to attend his bachelor party, and despite his reassurances that there likely wouldn’t be strippers, she couldn’t shake her unease. Her discomfort grew as his friends joked about it, and even her soon-to-be father-in-law downplayed her feelings, insisting that seeing strippers was a typical part of bachelor parties.
That was nearly 25 years ago, but I’ve never seen her so distraught since.
When my ex-husband had his bachelor party—a weekend getaway—I didn’t worry. I trusted him completely. He returned home and declared, “I never want to see another naked woman besides you again.” However, as he recounted their weekend, I learned he had indeed gone to a strip club and even received lap dances. On the second night, friends hired five strippers for a private hotel party, with one friend even attempting to pay a stripper to take my fiancé to a hotel room for a private show. Thankfully, his brother intervened.
Hearing all this left me feeling nauseous. I believed my fiancé hadn’t crossed any further lines, but the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. He was only 23 and, at the time, cared more about what his friends thought than the impact on our relationship. Afterward, he never visited a strip club again, realizing it wasn’t worth jeopardizing our relationship over a night out.
Although I have friends who are strippers and respect their choices, I’ve heard unsettling stories about men’s behaviors in those environments. My current boyfriend recounted his experience at a bachelor party where the stripper charged them to take a shower with her. All the men involved were either in relationships or married.
Yes, women have bachelorette parties and sometimes see male strippers, but it’s not as prevalent. Some couples enjoy visiting strip clubs together, and there are those who are perfectly fine with their partners going. That’s their choice, and I don’t judge them for it. But for me, it’s a deal breaker.
I refuse to blame any woman for my partner’s choices. If my partner crosses a line, it is his responsibility. For me, that line is being in situations where he watches other women undress or engages in anything that disrespects our relationship.
I’m tired of the narrative that these outings are a rite of passage for men, or that “boys will be boys.” The argument that it isn’t cheating misses the point—it’s about respect. If your partner feels uneasy about you attending a strip club or a party with alcohol, drugs, and nudity, then you shouldn’t go.
Trust is important, but I can trust someone without understanding why they’d want to watch another woman undress, let alone pay for the privilege. It troubles me that my partner would even consider such activities.
Don’t mistake my confidence for insecurity; I’m secure enough to voice what makes me uncomfortable. I won’t pretend to be okay with something I find unacceptable. Watching strippers, especially with alcohol involved, strikes me as untrustworthy behavior.
The crux of the matter is simple: I don’t want to be with someone who feels entitled to watch naked women while I’m expected to accept it.
I don’t care if he fears looking “whipped” in front of his friends or insists I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. It’s about respect, and too many women feel pressured to accept this behavior and suppress their feelings.
It’s time for men to be held to a higher standard.
For more insights on healthy relationships and choices, check out this excellent resource from the World Health Organization on pregnancy.
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Summary: This Op-Ed discusses the author’s firm stance against partners visiting strip clubs, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect in relationships. Personal anecdotes highlight the emotional distress such situations can cause and the need for open communication about boundaries.